Confessions of a Backyard Hermit

Frugal February

2012-01-30T09:18:00.000-05:00

Kapow! Splat! Whaaaaah! That is the sound of our household taking a major financial hit or two or three this past year. Surgeries, exploding pipes, and unexpected losses combined to make 2011 the Year of the Disappearing Dollar. PTSD hit, sending us back to the 80s with 16% inflation and fear of layoffs. Only this time, we didn't have the luxury of years ahead of us, the belief we would forever be in good health, or a new car. Something had to be done.

We signed up for "Financial Peace University," a Dave Ramsey-created program held in churches throughout the country. Man O and I figured having a third person lead a discussion about money was better than fighting over who would get to lead the money discussion in our household. Dave Ramsey is a teacher who tackles money issues with humor. His goal is to get folks out of debt and he pulls no punches. His motto is "Live like no one else so you can LIVE like no one else." We weren't sure what to expect but class members shared similar concerns about money or were facing far worse challenges. We felt confident we could follow the program. So far so good.

Snip. Whaaaah! Snip. Whaaah! After lesson two, that is the sound of us looking at the budget and making adjustments. Man O spends that much on trains? Grandma Juju spends how much on the grandchildren? It was painful but necessary. We have been fortunate over the years to be able to save for retirement but as our bodies, house, and cars age, big ticket expenditures loom. Our budget was examined under a microscope and endured amputations across all categories. Still it wasn't enough.

So we are doing Frugal February. No impulse buys. That means no Target runs. No big entertainment plans. Man O is taking his lunch more. I am using my A.C. Moore certificate to buy blank cards to cover with already purchased papers. Meals have to be created out of the pantry with the exception of Valentine's Day. But our romantic dinner will still be homemade. My mother is probably turning over in her grave as I type "no new clothes." Thank goodness the circus tickets have already been bought and my hair cut is January 31st.

My word for the year is "Learn." I have learned a lot in the past few weeks and expect to learn more in the month ahead. Writing about it is my way of staying accountable. Stay tuned.

Cowboys and Aliens: UFOs and Yee Haws!

2011-02-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

During the Superbowl, I wait for each break in a play, commercial timeout, downed player on the field so I can see the latest commercials. Some of the ads this year were okay, some fun, some irritating. The number of movie trailers for summer movies seemed greater than usual. Given the audience, trailers featuring a lot of action, explosions and pretty girls didn't surprise me. But what did catch my eye was the trailer for Cowboys and Aliens starring Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford. Based on the graphic novel of the same name, the story takes place in the mid- 19th century and is played like a western, not a campy send up. At least that is what we are to believe according to interviews with the creators. I also read we are not to expect steam punk but, again, a true western and that's all right with me. Mash ups, as popular as they are, can go either way. They can be an homage or a parody. But the more I read about this movie, the more I find myself wishing the summer would get here and not because of the weather!

According to a film commentator, many early sci fi movies were really just futuristic westerns with frontiers to explore, territories being invaded, and the inevitable shootouts between the white hats and the black hats. I get that. Those grainy Saturday invasion movies, Star Trek and Lost in Space were my favorites. But they came after I fell in love with Wagon Train, High Chapparrell, and all those western flicks. Almost forty years later, I will finally have two of my favorite genres in one movie!

Yeehaws and UFOs are a great mash up for our times. We still long for straight shooting sons of guns who can take down the bad guys and ride away with the pretty young miss. We are full of nostalgia for the days when good guys wore white hats and bad guys wore black. Gray was not an option. The themes of honor, protection and frontier adventure resonate as much now as back when I got up early to watch my westerns and grade B scifi. The swagger and bravado of the guys who live on the range and ride in the saddle are still the same. Straight shooting, spit in the eye, "this is my land and you aren't going to take it" sort of men do not back down from aliens from another planet.

Science fiction still has its appeal as well. The possibility of breaking the fetters holding us back here on earth. The plays on fear of new technology. There are still scary monsters threatening our borders and our sense of calm. Our aliens are more advanced than we are in some ways and far less compassionate in others. But, in those maybe not-so-classic movies of my youth, they were always destroyed by the earthlings' sense of inventiveness and belief in their planet. We need that reminder yet again.

For all these reasons, I can't wait for the shootout at the UFO Corral. Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig aren't bad reasons either.

What appeals to you about westerns and/scifi movies? Do you like mash ups? Why or why not?

The Words We Choose

2011-01-09T06:13:00.000-05:00

I have been in a writing slump. Hospitals, holidays and lack of inspiration made my brain a blank and my fingers too lazy to type. But I am back at it because of this weekend's horrible events in Arizona. The shooting of Gabrielle Giffords and others, the death of a nine year old girl born on 9/11, the sheriff's comments about "political vitriol in the media" not only made my fingers itch and my brain fill but made my heart sore. Writing is the only way I know to reduce the pain. Words have a lot of power both for good and for ill.

In reading the many articles and opinion pieces in the aftermath of Saturday's shooting, I discovered Gabrielle Giffords, in her political life, was attacked by those on the left as well as those on the right. Certain personalities on the right put her in "crosshairs of [their] target map." But liberals also declared her "dead to them" when she voted against the Obama health care plan and later voted against Pelosi as minority leader. Numerous media outlets and "opinionators" are blaming specific people for the shooting. Still others are blaming the media in general. What are they concerned about? The words flowing in our political water sources and poisoning our own groundwater tables, reservoirs and wells.

It doesn't take much to incite violence in those who are dealing with mental illness or anger issues predisposing them to be violent themselves. With the MD mailbombs, it was something as simple as "see something, say something" and a reaction to that statement. So words of violence can be expected to cause even more harm.

Words can harm but they also can heal. Jesus used words of hope and love to make an impact, sharp at times, but not threatening. A man who died a violent end, he lived a life of peace. An example to all, his words still survive to give us guidance. But for those who have put pen to paper or spoken out through time, it can be more of a challenge to get the words right.

Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, "so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them." I would like to focus on the good. Words can inspire us to reach toward God, reach toward a higher purpose in our lives. Those words can be found in fiction and non-fiction, books and newspapers, blogs and tweets. What responsibility we have as writers or simply those voicing our opinions to carefully choose the words we use, the lessons we teach.

What lessons do I hope will be taken from this tragedy? Strong words should be allowed in political and personal discourse. More than just allowed, they are a right. But strong words don't have to be violent words. More importantly, where are the positive words in our lives? How much do we use positive words to inspire and move us forward? Will the speeches of Congress be spoken in a more positive manner after this event? I hope so. They have already cancelled any votes this coming week out of respect for the situation and have time to reflect. But will we think about the influence we have with our words in our writing and speaking? Will we set forth good examples and be more positive about those we disagree with or, at least, less prone to use words of hyperbole and caricature? I hope so. I know I am going to watch the "words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart" and hopefully, with God's help, choose wisely.

What words are the most powerful and positive for you? What writers have inspired you in a positive manner? How can you be more positive in your speech and thought?

Unexpected Lessons from Underwear Wars

2010-12-06T17:15:00.003-05:00

I thought it was a marvelous combination, two things my two year old grandson loves: dinosaurs and underpants. I bought the book Dinosaurs Love Underpants after “browsing the book” on-line and reading stellar reviews. When it arrived, I cracked it open and began to read for the fun of it. The book started out with engaging pictures and a fun style of narrative. Cavemen wore underwear coveted by T. Rex and Stegosaurus. I laughed and thought how much my grandson would enjoy it.

I read on and, suddenly, it wasn’t a fun read any more. When I previously read the synopsis, how did I miss the description of the war between cave dwellers and future fossil producers? Worst of all, the dinosaurs are killed at the end. They did not disappear. They did not die out. They were killed. I envisioned my grandson thinking his beloved stuffed dinosaur would be attacked next or that Barney was at risk (okay, so I wouldn't mind if Barney disappeared). I did not want to be paying for therapy for years to come.

Trying not to overreact, I asked myself, “Was this book age appropriate?” I came to the conclusion it might be for a ten year old. But then, what ten year old reads picture books these days! I marched into my local Barnes and Noble to return the book. I was not going to donate it to the book drive they were holding. I was not going to be responsible for another child upset and worried. Fortunately, the manager was sympathetic. He told me his kindergarten daughter came home traumatized after being read a book about Thanksgiving featuring many of the pilgrims dying of starvation. He said the questions she asked were hard ones to answer for one so young.Age appropriateness was part of why I turned the book in but there was more to it than that

I learned several lessons from my ill-advised purchase. Most importantly, the violence-desensitized world has filtered into more than just our movies and television programs; it is in our children’s books and more. Secondly, read the whole book before you give it to a child. Third, if we do not speak up about what is and is not appropriate for children, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Do I believe this book should be banned? No. Do I believe a child should be allowed to pick this book out and read it without parental supervision? No. Am I reminded I need to screen my grandchildren’s books and gifts carefully in the future? Absolutely.

Oh, and I picked out a new book for my grandson, Dinosaur Train. No violence but Granddad, the model train builder, read it and was upset the train derailed! Back to the drawing board...or should I say, bookstore.

What do you need to look at more closely in your children’s lives, regardless of their age?

Pillow Power

2010-11-13T09:29:00.000-05:00

I want this pillow. I want it bad. Maybe it is my warped sense of humor but I love this profile of Alfred Hitchcock and the nod to his great horror flick, The Birds. I loved that movie and the chills it gave me as a child. But I think I love this pillow more. It has the power to make me smile, to rejoice in creativity, and to remind me we all look at life and art a little differently.

How did I find Mr. Hitchcock on a square of wonderful goldenrod fabric? It was part of an act of desperation. My body hasn't been cooperating lately. I had an MRI this week to help figure out why. I am turning 50 in less than a month and it is bothering me more than I thought. The list goes on. I needed to be distracted. Thanks to a suggestion by my daughter-in-law, I ended up on the www.etsy.com website looking for cute little headbands and adornments for my two week old granddaughter. This website of handmade items is a wonderful smorgasbord of crafts, art, homemade clothes and more. I have known about it for years but was thrilled my DIL and daughter both wanted gifts from the site this year. They appreciate creativity too! But the thing about Etsy is once you start looking for one thing, you get sucked into looking at all the ways people express their creative bent.

How did I end in the pillow section after the headbands? I love the pop of pillows, period. Pillows can be one of the most affordable ways to jazz up a room. They are also sized and priced so anyone can afford these bits of art. Pillows are popular. On Etsy alone, there are over 74,000. I narrowed my search for the day by only looking at appliqued pillows, all 5400 of them made of cotton, burlap, leather, or felted wool squares, on page after page after page.

Some of these textile creations made me smile. I was reminded of my dog Hildie as I looked at the daschund pillows, the most popular dog pillows. Some pillows made me think. Pillows scream messages like "go clean up your room" or admonish "make love, not war" or whisper "Je t'aime". Pillows remind me of places I have been or want to go with their scenes of Paris or London. Some pillows left me scratching my head. Who wants a pillow with a decapitation crime scene on it?

Ultimately, pillows got me out of my funk and off the computer. As I scanned nature themed pillows with birds and fall leaves, I was struck with the urge to go outside and enjoy the beautiful autumn day. Pillow power. So today I am thankful for these stuffed bits of art but even more thankful for the creativity of the artists who make them.

Have you ever had a special pillow? Have you ever thought of handmade pillows as art? Is there a craft that has made you smile when you needed to get out of the doldrums?

Peace, Julie

To Boo or Not to Boo

2010-10-25T17:32:00.000-04:00

It was a beautiful day as I sat in my car, waiting for my daughter to meet me for lunch. My nose deep in a book, I was lost to the world. Suddenly, someone pounded on my car window and I screamed. I looked up to see my daughter laughing her head off. She said, without apology, "I just kept thinking, please don't let Mom look up!" My kids know I can be scared by a good "boo."

It is the season of "boo," the week before Halloween, full of haunted houses in every town and horror movies on every cable channel. Now, I've had mixed feelings about Halloween my whole life. I loved dressing up as a kid and going to haunted houses as a teen. I also went through a conservative religious stage when I wouldn't let the children trick or treat. They could only go to the church's harvest festival. (Decades later, my twenty-something daughter is headed to Las Vegas for the holiday this year. Just sayin'.) These days, I've put it in perspective as a secular holiday wrecking havoc on teeth and sugar levels.

I've pondered why I'm enjoying the scary aspects of the holiday more this year. Why do I want to freak myself out? It is pretty simple. The world right now is a scary place. Terrorists, job loss and health scares jump out at unsuspecting folks at every turn. I know I don't need to be truly afraid. The Bible is full of scriptures encouraging us not to fear because the Lord is with us. But, regardless of my faith and prayers, I still get that creeping feeling in the back of my neck or subtle tension in my shoulders. Fear can do weird things to our minds and bodies without us even realizing it.

That is where a good "boo" comes in. The very attraction of Halloween is facing the ghoulies and ghosties haunting our dreams or imaginations. Facing fears we can control, like those movies or haunted house tours, somehow reminds us we can put those world fears in perspective as well. A good scream and heart rate increase releases some of the built-up tension. At least, that works for me for a brief while. After Halloween, I look forward to the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays and their healing powers of gratitude and promise - remedies even better and longer lasting than a "boo."

What are you afraid of? What can you do to put those fears in perspective in the coming weeks?

Met by a shotgun

2010-10-20T09:15:00.000-04:00

My sisters and I are very different from each other. In fact, we were called "the Easter eggs" growing up because one of us had blond hair, another black, and the youngest was a red head. When we registered to vote, our differences showed as well. Just as we had hair and eye color of varying hues, we affiliated ourselves as a Democrat, a Republican, and an Independent. But we weren't "party line" people like my Granddaddy Hilton who always checked the box recording the fact he just wanted all candidates in his party to get his vote. My sisters and I vote our conscience, regardless of what is on our voter cards.

I attribute our belief to a story I heard about our mother. In her family's corner of Southwestern Virginia, Granddaddy Reasor was an odd duck, a Republican. When my mother went to register to vote, a man was standing outside the building with a shotgun. Knowing her for the "daddy's girl" she was, he pointed his weapon at her and said, "We don't need any Republicans, Miz Reasor. You're not coming in here." Now my mother had a choice. She could have turned tail and run home. She could have complained to the sheriff. Instead, she stared the man down, pushed the gun out of the way, and walked inside to register. The point was not that she was going to register as a Republican. She was going to register to vote, period, and no one could stop her from doing so.

I have thought of that story many times the past few weeks as I struggle with the burden of being a registered voter. This political season, I am not happy with any of the candidates. I am fearful of some and disgusted with others. The ugliness of political commercials and rallies of both sides has turned me off. Over and over again, I have asked myself why I continue to vote instead of turning into one of the majority of apathetic Americans who decline the privilege.

Ultimately, I have decided my feelings about the political parties, ads, insults, prejudices, and lack of concern for all Americans, have combined to become my "shotgun moment." My feelings are staring me in the face, threatening my right to add my opinion of how the country should be led. Am I really going to let others determine whether I vote or not? No. It is not going to be easy this election but I will think of my mother, push the shotgun out of the way, and vote my conscience.

What keeps you from voting? How can you reframe your feelings and exercise your privilege to vote?

"The Time For Holding Back Is Over"

2010-10-11T21:04:00.000-04:00

My friend Mary Jo is starting her own movement on Facebook. It all began when she posted the news about another friend, Lisa, looking forward to boxing in her first match. Oh, she's been training a while but this is a real fight with an audience in the big city of Atlanta. In her blog "The Glowing Edge," Lisa describes preparing for the event and her trainer's challenge to her, "the time for holding back is over." Mary Jo saw the gift in these words. She then challenged ME as well as her other friends to try to live by this motto for the next six months. I believe I am up to it.

When I was younger, I never cried at emotional scenes in movies. I didn't wail over shots or when I was bullied for being an overweight middle-schooler. Later, as an adult, I kept secrets I shouldn't have. When challenged or berated, I held my tongue as any nice southern lady would. Even my talents were hidden under a bushel as I made myself smaller than those around me. Being noticed is difficult. So I inhaled and never exhaled. It doesn't matter how I got to that point. The point is I found myself stuck in this mode several times in my life. I held my breath, held my head down, held in, held at arm's length, barely held together, and, most of all, held back.

Blessedly, those seasons of holding back were relieved by times when I could not hold back any more. For example, I was never a advocate for myself with medical personnel. Until my daughter was born one Easter Sunday. In labor, I arrived at the hospital only 45 minutes before my baby was ready to enter the world. Have I mentioned there was no time for drug intervention? This was in the days before the all-in-one birthing rooms so they started moving my bed to delivery. Except the bed got stuck in the door. My upper body was in the labor room. My lower body, with crowning baby, was in the hall with people walking by. I won't tell you how many of those 45 minutes were spent trying to get my gurney unstuck. I won't describe the looks on the faces of the passers-by. But I will tell you when I got to delivery and finally got to push, I screamed. May I mention, once again, no drugs were used in the birthing of this baby? The nurse told me to be quiet. I told her it hurt like heck and I would scream if I wanted to scream. Except I didn't use "heck." I didn't hold back and I felt better for it.

These waves of holding back and letting go have ebbed and flowed in my life. Now, over two decades later, I have been reminded holding back is a painful pattern we, especially women, fall into on a daily basis. It affects our emotional and physical health, our careers, and our relationships. So I am taking up the No Holding Back challenge for the sake of bettering my life. I will dream dreams and do something about them. I will shine a light as I am able and not worry about overshadowing someone else. As far as holding my breath goes, I am taking yoga. Whew!

How have you been holding back? What are you holding your breath over? Are you prepared to take the No Holding Back challenge? Give it a shot.

The NY Times Hope and Romance Column

2010-10-09T07:19:00.000-04:00

I like traditions. I seem to have them for every day of the week. On Saturdays, I read the Weddings and Celebrations page of the New York Times via their website. Every weekend, a different couple's wedding is featured. They may have known each other for a decade or more. They may have dated a year. The bride and groom may be in their twenties or in their seventies. Their families may be well-known or middle class immigrants. But there are commonalities in all the stories.

These stories speak of love sometimes lost and found. But love is always found in the end. Each feature includes mentions of fateful events, the input of family and friends, obstacles to love, dark moments, and the event that makes these couples realize they are in love. It took me a while but I figured out why I love reading these stories. They are miniature romance novels with Happily Ever Afters always included.

The Weddings and Celebrations column is a smart bit of marketing in a newspaper filled with bad news. As a voracious news reader, I find myself latching on to hopeful media stories these days. I seek good news in a sea of sad business. It is not as hard as one might think. Life has a way of still happening. Couples fall in love. Babies are born. People are kind to each other. Those who are downtrodden triumph over obstacles. Each event is an positive sign people still believe in a happy future in spite of dark days. While I have plenty of scriptural reminders of hope, it is nice to be reminded people all over the world live lives filled with this confidence. For my Saturday helping, HEAs do quite nicely.

What are reminders of hope in your life? Is it a favorite scripture or passage from a book? Do you scan the web for happy tales? Do you look at your children or those around you and feel hopeful? When you are down, look for signs of hope. They are there.

Book Karma

2010-10-05T08:48:00.000-04:00

I crave books. Even more than books, I crave winning books. But more than sticking to a low book-buying budget, my motivation is the thrill of trying new authors, insights or genres. I troll websites, hang out at Goodreads.com, make comments on Facebook, and volunteer to review new releases. It is more fun than buying a lottery ticket with a greater likelihood of success.

I find myself winning books in clumps. This past weekend, I won four from Friday through Sunday. It's never just one. When that anonymous person said, "good things come in threes," they weren't kidding. I have named this phenomenon "book karma."

But "book karma" is a funny thing. A while back, I signed up for a giveaway of A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay. I am not sure what interested me in this book except she had written Sarah's Key which got great reviews. But then I read the synopsis. It involves dark family secrets and other things that make me tense. Now, why I was shocked about the plot I don't know. The title of the book includes the word "secret." My heart sank. The book contest ended the day ten other giveaways did. I remember thinking, "I 'll probably win the book I least want to read." Well, you guessed it, I won A Secret Kept.

Now, I could say "rotten luck" but I choose not to do so. I prefer to think of those times when "book karma" has gifted me in ways I celebrated outright. I will celebrate this dark book as well. After all, I just revisited Nicholas Sparks even though Safe Haven is supposedly a bit darker than his other books. I haven't read his novels in a while because they make me cry. But he didn't break my heart this time! Maybe I am supposed to read A Secret Kept as a way to continue getting over my fear of darker fiction. I feel a trend starting. That's the way my "book karma" works.

I don't consider myself luckier than others when it comes to winning books. After all, I work hard at it! But why do things happen the way they do? I am not sure. However, I tend to look for messages in my daily life, my Bible, and my meditations to guide me along. God has a way of using our lives and livelihoods to reach us. I read voraciously. Is it any surprise I have received books I needed to read at just the right moment, even if it was just for the pleasure of being distracted from the tough times in my life? For others, it may be seeing rainbows at the right time or having a stranger say the right thing out of the blue. "Book karma" for me may be "rainbow karma" or "stranger wisdom" for others. Whatever it is, God has a way of communicating with us, knowing what we need even when we do not. So I look forward to A Secret Kept and the lessons I will learn.

Have you noticed things happening in "clumps"? What messages might you be getting? Start paying attention to those Godincidences.

Peace, Julie

Used Bookstore Headache

2010-09-28T09:25:00.000-04:00

When it comes to genetics, my husband passed along bad teeth and freckles to our children. I generously gave my daughter a genetic B-12 deficiency and a dislike of stress. So when my daughter told me she preferred to buy her books rather than use a library, I knew exactly how she felt. I have the same problem, especially when I am on the library's most popular book list and don't know when I will get it. The stress of getting that new bestseller finished in a week can suck the enjoyment out of any book, not to mention needing to be in the mood to read whatever the library throws at you. Fiction when you are hankering for a biography or non-fiction self-help guide just doesn't do it. So, this past week, I became her book finder. I went out in search of the books on her list, visiting more than one bookstore on a quest to find as many as I could. Unfortunately, her budget required I peruse used bookstores for the most part.

As much as I understand my daughter's point of view, I am still conflicted about the whole UBS business. When I started reading romance and decided to read a number of golden oldies no longer in print, I had to purchase books through half.com and a few UBS in town. The library didn't have them and they could not be found otherwise. But I also like the feeling of supporting the authors I love when I purchase their books, even with deep discounts or 33% off coupons. I may not like paying full price for a trade paperback at $14.99 but I understand the necessity of the price point for authors and the industry.

In spite of my author loyalty, when I venture into a UBS, I also notice the unemployed middle aged woman searching for health guides or the young stay at home mom looking for children's books, the senior citizen looking for pleasure reading or the teens looking for DVDs. The economy has made the local UBS the bookstore of choice or necessity for many who want the feeling of browsing in a bookstore but are unable to pay $24 for a hardback even with discount. My own daughter occasionally buy new books but her salary makes her frugal. What about that side of the coin? Therefore, my headache.

There are many ethical issues right now floating about in the media. Like the UBS debate, they don't have clear cut answers or people think they should. It isn't just gray in a black and white world. It is muddy out there. I pray about these things but often in equal measure with arguing with myself or making excuses for whatever I decide. I need to listen to God's guidance more on these issues, seeking answers that are in line with my faith. I also need to recognize those answers often don't come in a day or even over a lifetime. Maybe then I will have fewer headaches.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me." John 5:30

What issues are you conflicted about? Have you prayed about these issues and what would you discover if you did?

Peace, Julie

Amish Attraction

2010-09-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

"What are you, Amish?" cried one of my youth group when I told them there would be no television on their work retreat. From then on, I was known as "the Amish Lady." They were a difficult bunch but I laughed at their nickname. I secretly DID long to be that "Amish Lady."

I used a computer like no one's business. I was a shopaholic. I did not live on a farm. But after visiting Lancaster, PA and the surrounding area as a child, I was hooked on the Amish lifestyle. My favorite book was Roseanna of the Amish. I loved shoofly pie and the quilts. But most of all, I loved the sense of community, simplicity, and daily purpose of these people.

These days, it seem the Amish attraction I felt has become more commonplace. The world is more complicated. Technology has inserted itself even at the dinner table. The stress of life in a society where rules are ever changing can be overwhelming. People are seeking relief and have found it in a romanticized view of Amish communities.

If you read inspirational women's fiction or romance, Amish books dominate the top seller's lists. I have been reading a number of these Amish-themed novels lately. Some show a working knowledge of and even past history as a person who lived in an Amish household. But sadly, some are only jumping on the Amish bandwagon. Simply by adding whoppie pie references, lavish meal descriptions, and cultural information, they hope to find a readership. It is not that simple.

The Amish themselves do not read these books because they view them as an often romanticized or over dramatized view of their lifestyle. The Amish have migrated to more than twenty-five states because they struggle to find affordable land to farm or new businesses they can run. Years as a tight knit religious community has produced genetic diseases which are considered a part of God's plan in their world but are still a tragedy. Violence, members leaving the communities, and accidents are commonplace. There are so many sects of Amish because they have different views on owning a telephone, riding in cars, even what colors are allowed in their distinctive clothing. There is a saying, "every time a disagreement starts, a new Baptist church is born." Same goes for the Amish.

Even knowing all these facts, I am still attracted to the Amish precisely because of their own struggles as very real people. Now, reading all those Amish novels has reawakened my need to pick up some of those practices I have found so appealing over the years. After two weeks of vacation without a television, I find I don't want to watch the emptiness of it nearly as much (okay, I still have a few favorites). Due to illness, I have to stay off the computer more than you would think and I feel better for it. I find purpose in the daily tasks of just keeping my household running. Humility and forgiveness are a big part of their religious beliefs. I need to practice these more in my own life. Lastly, I have decided I don't need to go clothes shopping for the rest of the year. If I could wear a simple black skirt, bonnet and colorful top, I would. But I am just going to have to simplify my wardrobe instead. Now there is a challenge! I will let you know how it goes.

Do you find the Amish life appealing ? Why? Are you wanting to simplify your life? What are steps you can take to do so?

What to take FROM Vacation

2010-09-15T09:16:00.001-04:00

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1.

Lots of folks write about what to take on vacation. The right clothes, survival aids, etc. But I am thinking about what I have taken from my latest vacation in Maui:

Gratitude - my central nervous condition flared because of a drug reaction which put me on bed rest the week before our trip and threatened the whole thing. Our university medical specialists actually got back to me the day before I left with a solution that meant I could hike and sight see. It wasn't easy but was doable. I was grateful I was there and didn't worry about being 100%. I was happy with 70%!

Hospitality - the coffee shop cook who spent a half hour on the phone trying to find out if I could eat the locally made ice cream, the B and B owner who made me rice flour banana macadamia nut pancakes so I could eat them like everyone else at breakfast, the guy who showed us the trail to the hard to reach red beach, the family who shared the shade under "their" tree on Homoa beach. All these folks where generous to a fault and they are just a few examples. Can I be this kind now that I am back home? I sure do hope so!

Serendipity - When we walked into the local potters' studio, a woman was working on turtle bowls (I am a turtle freak) and talking on the phone with her mother in law in New Bern, NORTH CAROLINA thanks to Hurricane Earl bearing down on the coast. That conversation starter led to a tour of the studio and more. We ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise in Lahaina, talking about missed sunsets. We paid our bill and walked out to the sun beginning set right before us...and that happened in another restaurant later...without planning. The right place at the right time for so many things...I need to recognize those times here as well.

Smelling the Roses or, in this case, Plumeria - We visited two little churches on the Road to Hana. One was called the Miracle Church because coral was deposited in a storm, enough to build it after the town had despaired they could gather enough materials. As we looked back up at the Road to Hana, there was a giant waterfall which could not be seen from the road, only from our spot! If we had not taken our time on the road, we wouldn't have seen the church for sure. But we definitely wouldn't have seen that magnificent waterfall. I am determined to slow down now that I am back, for the right reasons.

Budgeting makes the memories even better - Our condo, half the price of the resort in Hana, had a paradise view. The Fish Market in Paia had a fish lunch that rivaled any high price dinner. SEARS had the little aloha shirt for our grandson we had seen in other shops for half off! The sunsets didn't cost a thing. No, it wasn't all free but saving money is its own reward.

Appreciate where you are - the Maui softball tournament was playing in normally quiet, isolated Hana the entire time we were there. Instead of music at the resort restaurant, we had cheers and cracks of bats from 7:30AM to 8:30PM. (We didn't bring food for the condo so ate at the resort restaurant, with a perfect view of the ball field!). We delighted in the by the clock rain in the morning and evening in Hana because we knew it would stop and rainbows would appear. I could not believe how many people complained about not having WiFi in the most beautiful of places. Or those who complain about the locals who live all the time on the islands. I need to appreciate my own little neck of the woods more and those who know more about where I am than I do.

What have you taken from your vacation or what do you hope to learn from even a weekend away?

When planning goes awry

2010-08-29T09:52:00.005-04:00

My husband and I are different sort of planners, especially when it comes to trips. He is into the details about what to do. I am into where we will stay, what we will eat, and finding those sort of spiritual places that make a trip transcend just being a tourist junket. It makes for a nice combination of talents and our trips usually turn out quite well. But, in spite of our best laid plans, unexpected things happen.

Sometimes, we are blessed with wonderful surprises. We stayed at a hotel in Hilo, HI which just happened to be next to one of the largest Japanese gardens outside of Japan. While hubby worked, I spent the days photographing the different sections of the garden. Bridges, stone lanterns, intricate plantings and pools of koi were unexpected treats next to our rather shabby hotel.

But there are times when we find ourselves in less than stellar circumstances. Early in our marriage when things were a bit rocky, we went to Rockport, MA (yes, I see the irony) to get away and work on our relationship. At a lovely waterfront restaurant, my clams tasted metallic and I didn't want to eat them. Hubby thought I was just picky so I downed them. Several hours later, I was in our expensive bed and breakfast throwing up in a trash can while I sat on the toilet. Twelve hours after that, I was able to take back my earlier statement of "I want to die." Why, you ask? My husband had been the most solicitous soul in caring for me, reminding me of why I married him in the first place. It also didn't hurt that my invalid self was stuck in a beautiful space including gazillion thread count Egyptian cotten sheets and a window with a view.

Thirty years later, we are thankful for those early lessons in things not working out as planned. Preparing for our upcoming vacation, I am dealing with unwelcome health issues which have changed our plans ahead of time and may change our plans when we are on our journey. Hubby has thought about changes before I bring them up, quelling my fears about ruining the trip for him. In turn, I am willing to go beneath the ocean in a submarine. If you have claustrophobia and fear of drowning like I do, you will understand my love for this man. If those plans change, we will still make the best of it. It is no wonder I believe in what Jeremiah says.

"For surely, I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." Jeremiah 29:11

What plans have you had that have gone awry? How can you look at those circumstances differently?

Hands, Hearts and Encouragement

2010-08-27T15:59:00.007-04:00

Have you ever gone through seasons when favorite people enter your lives? They may not be friends. They may be strangers. They could be the new teacher of your pottery class. You anticipate seeing that one lady who always smiles at you at the ice cream shop or the friend who calls you on a regular basis just to check in. They may simply be people you realize you rely on.

My favorites, at the moment, are my massage therapist and my PT. Now, the rest of you, don't be upset. I like you too. I really do. But these folks literally have my life in their hands. Central nervous system problems have turned me into a less active version of my former self. Without my MT and PT, I wouldn't be moving around as much as I can, would be in more pain, and would not have the dose of encouragement I receive every time I see them. Their hearts are in what they do, as well as their hands!

Encouragers are my favorite people. Those who tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel or that it is okay to be moving at a slower pace. We all know them, those folks who drag us out of the depths and onto a better path. They keep us moving forward and make the world a brighter place than in those instances before we saw or spoke to them.

Who are those encouragers in your life? Who can you encourage?

Therefore encourage one another and build up each other..." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Laying Fallow

2010-08-26T10:00:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I get pulled away from what is important by stress, busyness, life in general and specific. I realized I needed to update this blog more than I needed to totally start from scratch!

Why? I am still a backyard hermit who ponders life from my deck for one thing. I miss my spiritual writing and observations for another.

I read today on the Seekerville blogspot about a writer who needed to take a break for a while and did so for two years. She discovered she was still a writer. Still a writer. That spoke to me in so many ways.

How I know I am still a writer:

I thoughtfully consider my status updates on Facebook, looking for just the right turn of phrase.

I appreciate the writing of others but often find myself saying, "I would have written it THIS way."

I live to discover new words or to be reminded of words I once knew, loved, and used on a regular basis.

I often prefer to write an email than pick up the phone just to see all the words in front of me.

Yes, I can get long winded but I can also be pithy and to the point.

Time flies when I write.

You get the point. More importantly, I get the point of writing daily so will be busy here. They say the blogosphere is almost overcrowded but we know, most of us, that we write from our hearts and for ourselves regardless of topic.

Change Agents

2008-11-16T08:44:00.002-05:00

Things do not change; we change. ~Henry David Thoreau

What a year this has been with a campaign that spoke of change and an election that signaled not only the readiness for a change but simply caused a change by its very being! The economy is causing change of its own, from the adaptation of frugality by consumers to the way corporations are run. In this season of changing leaves, changing tides, changing habits, worries and anxiety tend to smother the sense of anticipation I love about times of change.

When change happens, we often tend to focus on what we may lose, not what we may gain. That sense of scarcity, that God will not provide or we are not worthy of what we have been given, well, it just creeps into our hearts and souls. With jobs lost, moves made, new family dynamics, different governance, even shifting seasons, we find ourselves struggling rather than seeing the good any given situation. No wonder when the time changes, people are affected emotionally.

As someone who never has done well during the time change, who finds herself affected by SADD, I have decided to adopt a new strategy this year. Instead of struggling with the feeling that I should stay up later and fight the habit of hibernating, I go to bed early and rejoice in getting up early to start my day. Instead of worrying about our office moving, I look to the advantages of the potential space and location. Instead of watching the stock market tank, I think about the fact that struggles often make us sterner stuff, able to handle more than we ever possibly could imagine.

Thoreau was right and to paraphrase Gandhi, we are the change in the world. There is something empowering about that. Bring change on, let us embrace it and the selves we become through it.

Peace, Julie

Spring Green

2008-04-09T06:17:00.002-04:00

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. ~e.e. cummings

What do you look for in spring? Do you watch for dogwoods, the return of a certain bird, azaleas blooming? What is it about spring that makes you thank God?

I didn't realize, until the paint was on the wall, that the color I picked out for my redone laundry room is the same color as new leaves appearing on the deciduous trees in our area. There is something about that color that gets me every spring. Maybe because it appears on those dark limbs which had been bare all winter. Maybe because the color itself is so fleeting before the leaves turn darker as they manufacture more and more chlorophyll. Whatever the reason, I always look to those spring-dressed trees and say "I thank you God for this most amazing day."

I thank e.e. cummings for giving words to my praise. His poetry has always been a favorite of mine due to its style and whimsy. This particular work of his always lifts me up and makes me think about the God who is the Artist, the Fanciful One, the God of Good Humor and Beauty. With the past year of drought, it has been amazing that this spring is one of the most beautiful in recent memory. I find myself driving through subdivisions just to look at the tulips, dogwoods, redbud, hyacinths, and azaleas. Such a metaphor for times in our lives when we are dry, parched souls, and still beauty arises in our days. And again, I say, "I thank you God for this most amazing day."

My prayer for my friends, my family, myself: May we see the Spring in our own lives. May our bare spots be cloaked in the "leaping greenly spirit" of nature. May we will see the infinite nature of God, give thanks and let out a soul-stirring, "YES!" as our fists pump the air. Amen.

The Easter Egg Hunt

2008-03-20T07:03:00.003-04:00

Quest by Quotation

Let the resurrection joy lift us from loneliness and weakness and despair to strength and beauty and happiness. ~Floyd W. Tomkins

In addition to strength, beauty, and happiness, what other "Easter eggs" would you like to find and put in your basket?

In designing my Easter card this year, I was reminded, we sometimes have to hunt for the promise of good things to come or lessons learned in dark times. I used a picture of a wooden cross on a hill overlooking a shrouded ocean on the coast of Hawaii. I took it last fall when I visited in the rainy season. On this northern part of the island, the climate mimicked early spring, before flowers bloom. On top of that, a barbed wire fence slashed across my view. The whole scene could easily have been a symbol of bleakness for me.

But it wasn't. I looked through my lens and saw my Easter card months down the line. I looked at the picture when I returned home and saw the promise of something inspiring and creative. I am normally not an optimistic person, even though I can see the good in situations. So I have to credit the promise of the Resurrection, with all its surprise, hope, peace, and joy, for my attitude.

There are "Easter eggs" I am looking for myself as Spring begins and Eastertide rolls in: purple perseverance, pink positive attitude, green gratitude, blue blessed assurance, orange optimism. I know I will find them, though some may be well hidden. God promised.

Taking a page from friends

2008-03-04T14:40:00.003-05:00

Quest by Quotation

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. ~Charles W. Eliot

What books have been your friends, counselors and teachers?

Our book club met at my house this weekend. A good thing too. I was motivated to get my book read, even in the midst of having the latest "virus de jour." It also has given me the motivation to read because my job, with its work and commuting hours, eats into my reading time. Great job, just not enough time in the day anymore!

I can remember as a child diving into Little Women and All Creatures Great and Small when I needed solace. I found the same sense of peace, escape, advice, and enjoyment as an adult after my mother died. When I took a sabbatical, the world seemed to be a cruel place and I grieved the sudden loss of my mother and my vocation. I retreated to the world of books, as I had done as a child. After all, I hadn't read anything but non-fiction and theology for years.

Happy ever after fiction, comforting words from Henri Nouwen, craft books teaching me new skills all filled my too spacious days. These "friends...counselors...teachers" sustained me. Now, in the middle of another life transition, I miss the hours I spent gobbling up the pages but find the limited time with my books even more precious.

So what friends, counselors, and teachers are on your nightstand or coffee table...should you plan a visit with them?

Peace and happy reading.

Working it out

2008-02-26T19:58:00.002-05:00

Quest by Quotation

Good for the body is the work of the body, good for the soul the work of the soul, and good for either the work of the other. ~Henry David Thoreau

Are you keeping the work of your body and work of your soul balanced? How will you maintain or rediscover each so you can at peace in yourself?

I determined I would make sure I did three things when I started working outside my home again: keep up with my friends and family, read for pleasure, and exercise. So far, I am able to say I have done at least two out of the three each day.

The one thing I make sure I do every day is exercise. Boot camp style DVDs, walking followed by thirty minutes of stretching, strength training using free weights. I do them all, plus yoga burn, meditation, and I am getting ready to crack open a DVD featuring Pilates. I am as eclectic when it comes to exercise as I am concerning books. Being too easily bored, I have to mix it up.

It is amazing how I come home from work, lace up my exercise shoes, and get to it outside or in. I am determined to get the endorphins flowing, banish the kinks from my neck and shoulders, and ultimately put my "job" work aside until the next day.

I do the same in the morning but for my soul, not body. I read The Upper Room, do a class from Spirituality and Practice, read other assorted emails of a spiritual bent. I may save some for the afternoon when I return home, or even for the weekend, but I get em done and have them in my brain for the rest of the day.

I am not balanced yet but I am working it out, working on it, working toward it. Work can be a good thing for the body, mind and soul....so long as it is in proper proportion.

The Choices We Make

2008-02-22T08:47:00.002-05:00

Quest by Quotation

Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant. ~Anthony Robbins

What choices are you facing? Are you afraid to make a choice, realizing it may change your life? Consider making a small decision today in order to gradually make the big decision facing you.

All I have been doing the last few months, or so it seems, is make decisions. Apply for a certain job. Turn down a second interview. Go back for a second interview.

Now I have a new job and you would think my life would be simpler. One major hurdle out of the way. But NO! What schedule will I have in my twenty hour job? Do I wear more color than the much younger staff or fade back to black? Do I want a lap or desk top computer?

Ah, that last one decision was difficult to make. I am a person who can see both sides of any situation. The lap top would be used by potentially more people. But then so would the desktop and could be taken into the field. I could use my ergonomic keyboard with either one. I could take the laptop home.

Whoa! At this point, though my job can grow and I am paid for each hour I work, I know my workaholic tendencies would make it easy for me to work at home and not write, create cards or relax. So my decision to get a desktop was based on making sure I left work behind (at least in a physically symbolic way).

Taking control of my life through making one of many choices we make each day, I already feel more relaxed.

May your decisions bring you peace and may making the choice to make a decision bring you peace as well.

Peace, Julie

Living a Full Life

2008-02-18T06:12:00.002-05:00

Quest by Quotation

The remarkable thing is that it is the crowded life that is most easily remembered. A life full of turns, achievements, disappointments, surprises, and crises is a life full of landmarks. The empty life has even its few details blurred, and cannot be remembered with certainty. Eric Hoffer

Would you say your life is full or empty? Write down the "turns, achievements, disappointments, surprises, and crises" of the last month and see how full it maybe.

I admit it. I hadn't the impetus to write between the middle of December and now. The cajoling of friends didn't do it. The need to be creative didn't do it. All that time and nothing really to show for it. But here I am, writing again. Why now?

The short answer is that my husband got up at 4:30AM this morning, and, therefore, so did I. The longer answer is that I have started a new job, life is fuller, and I alway seem to write best when I don't "have the time."

Nothing like typing "full life" into bartleby.com and getting Eric Hoffer's quote. It affirmed to me the sense that I have of the universe lining up the way it is for a reason. The time I had off from full-time, non-temporary assignments was full in other regards. But it was time to move forward and I have been blessed enough to find a job that makes a difference in people's lives while allowing me to have more time with my family. With a first grandbaby coming, that is even more of a priority.

Prepping for my new job hire, as I practiced answering behavioral interviewing questions, allowed me to revisit the "turns, acheivements, disappointments, surprises, and crises" of my life. "Talk about a time when you failed at something." "Describe a time when you had to be prepared for any eventuality." "What do you consider your best acheivement." My spouse and I went through one hundred of those types of questions. A crash course in life reflection in the space of a week. A full life, getting more interesting all the time. All that pondering has cleared the deck for the next portion of my life and learning.

So here I go....

Spending Time with Dickens

2007-12-10T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

What makes your heart open up this time of year? What causes and people tug at your heart?

This week is exam week for my daughter. She was complaining the other day about how the library at school is noisy, no longer the refuge of quiet study it used to be. Between cell phones, study groups and the lack of the traditional "shhhhhhhhh" from the staff, the stacks hum like a beehive rather than bear silent witness to the stress of studying.

How different it was in my day. During winter exams, same school, decades before, I would find myself heading up to the quiet seventh floor, grabbing a cubicle. But I didn't settle in to study. I searched the shelves for Dicken's A Christmas Carol. The story of a miserly man transformed by the season, with its descriptions of the England of another age, always calmed my anxiety about test taking. I had rediscovered the book by accident one semester when I needed a break from the textbooks and, from then on, it became a tradition to read it this time of year. A copy is sitting on my nightstand right now. They say listening to classical music for thirty minutes is the equivalent of taking 10 mgs of prozac. For me, reading A Christmas Carol produces the same effect - a feeling of peace comes over me and meditating on the true meaning of the season comes a little more easily.

Is it the ghosts of past, present and future that capture me? Maybe it is the message that our hearts are always capable of being turned toward God and goodwill. So, as this time of year, I send up a prayer of thanksgiving for the good heart and fervent nature of Charles Dickens, whose social commentary became a book for the ages.

Anticipating Advent

2007-11-29T20:20:00.000-05:00

An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing. Samuel Smiles

As we look forward, in the season of Advent which begins this weekend, what are you anticipating or, better yet, what would be added to your life if you made anticipating a part of your every day thoughts?

I am part of a bookmark swap this season. Thirty eight people from all over the world are sending each other Christmas cards and bookmarks of all types. We don't know each other but have a common interest in reading. A friend reminded me there are quilters who send each other tiny quilt squares. Yet another reminded me of the art card swaps she has participated in where a playing card sized piece of art is sent to others and you receive one in return.

I have discovered this swap has an unexpected benefit beyond the wonderful creations which will replace my torn bits of paper and magazine cards as well as prevent dog-earing. Each day I walk out to the mailbox in anticipation. I haven't felt this excited about the mail since I was in fifth grade and we were assigned pen pals in other countries. Already I have been rewarded with Christmas cards to beautify my window ledges and bookmarks that make me think and smile. I look forward to tomorrow and hearing the postman go by.

Looking forward. It is a gift that I often ignore until something like this comes around. Anticipation. It is a seasonal companion that we can't afford to be without. I have a job interview this week and realized I am calm about the meeting because I am looking forward to it. I am anticipating learning more about myself and the folks I am interviewing with. Mainly, I am just anticipating that the possibility of me finding something (that uses all my skills in a big way) is the first step to making my future come true.

Happy first week of Advent, beginning Sunday December 2nd.
Look forward, dream, anticipate.

Enjoying Thanksgiving

2007-11-19T08:18:00.000-05:00

Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.
J. Petit-Senn

So often we think about the things we do not have and the scarcity theory takes hold, and we panic, thinking we don't have enough. What are the things you enjoy now, regardless of what is lacking? Can you give thanks for these things and be content?

Trust the comic strips to provide inspiration. Mutts showcased the quote by Petit-Senn and I immediately took it to heart. Easily, I can think of the things right now lacking in my life. Probably because it is a Monday morning and there isn't enough caffeine in my system. It is one thing to ponder what I do have to be thankful for but it is quite another spin to think about what I enjoy and relish that fact.

So here I go, as I ponder what I enjoy:

Leaves bursting with color, all the more special being delayed by the drought for weeks.
Hanging with my husband in front of the television watching football on Saturday or Sunday afternoons (okay, so I sort of watch with a craft or book in my hands).
Mccutcheon's Pumpkin Butter appearing this time each year at Whole Foods. And they are in Fredrick, Maryland to boot.
Spending Thanksgiving at my son and daughter-in-law's, not having to cook the turkey.
Making Advent cards and bookmarks with supplies I have on hand. Picking the quotes and designing just makes my soul happy.
Coffee and lunch with friends. The time we have together never seems long enough.
Sitting in my terra cotta colored family room, reading a book and drinking tea at three in the afternoon.
Seeing my son when he stops by on his work break and shopping with my daughter.
Trying on expensive shoes and being able to walk away - without them on my feet!
Writing as the mood strikes.

It is wonderful to realize I could go on with my list. I believe I will do just that, but in my head, as I go about my day and Thanksgiving week. Enjoy!

Candle, Candle, Burning Bright

2007-11-13T20:28:00.000-05:00

How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
~William Shakespeare
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

My daughter-in-law had a candle party last night. She asked each of us what we liked about candles. "How they smell" and "they are pretty" were popular answers. Mine? "I like the flame." As much as we've learned we must watch candles closely while burning them, I am still fascinated.

No, I am not a firebug but there is something about candle flames that have always fascinated me. In their miniature essence, I can see a full fire burning in the fireplace, crackling at a campsite, even in a tiki torch lighting a path. Candles can light a dark room as well as a chandelier of 60 watt bulbs. Candles can make a table romantic, give a focus for meditation, signify God Almighty's presence, or help celebrate a birthday. Thinking about it, candles are pretty powerful things.

Shakespeare and Buddha both recognized the power of candles and how readily they symbolize the light that we bring to others when we volunteer, share a good word, or simply feel grateful for each new day.

As we move to shorter days and longer nights, in this season of thanksgiving, I am going to try to be a candle burning bright. On the days when it seems the smallest of things doesn't make enough of a difference, I am going to think of that flame. When I see others burning bright, I will rejoice in the light they give off and bask in it myself.

After all, there is another quote, "how do I make myself look prettier? I always dine in candlelight." (unknown) It works from the inside out as well. When our souls are shining from doing and recognizing the good, how can we help but reflect the glow?

A Reason for the Seasons

2007-11-06T06:50:00.000-05:00

Quest by Quotation

To be interested in the changing seasons is, in this middling zone, a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
George Santayana

Maybe it was seeing plastic fall leaves tacked over lovely, living tropical plants in Hawaii. Maybe it was coming home to find leaves still not turned in our section of drought ridden North Carolina. Or it could have been finding that crazy Christmas ornament to remind us of Hawaii - a snowman with a lei and a hula skirt! Or even the quote I found this morning about California, "The seasons in Southern Cal are only fire, flood, drought and earthquake." All these have made me think about seasons, how mixed up they can be, and how we depend on them...or not.

Here we think we are fortunate to have two weeks of fall before winter hits. This year I am even missing those two weeks as dry, warm weather has played havoc with the delicate system of the trees and their leaves. But I never thought I would go to Hawaii and see fall leaves signaling Halloween and Thanksgiving. A Boston ex-pat, who came to the Big Island to visit and never left, said the turning of the seasons was the one thing he missed. I remember having the same feeling when I moved down here from Maryland in the days before global warming became the hot topic (all puns intended). Plumeria, ginger, and hibiscus blooming all year long have an appeal, though, that is hard to ignore.

But changing seasons seem to be signals to me and are valuable for that alone. Their change a way not only to mark time but allow myself to look at my life on a regular basis. I am not sure what season I am in since I tend to look at seasons as based on life events than age (where childhood is spring, youth is summer, etc.). As Santayana writes, it is better to be joyful in change than to be stuck wanting the sameness of temperatures that don't challenge or disregarding the subtle beauty of the other seasons. There is promise and beauty in all seasons, regardless of whether you are living one continuous spring (and want to tack up those fake fall leaves to make it different) or suffer through the seasonal changes of spring floods, summer drought and winter blizzards. Taking my chosen quote to heart this week, whether my soul is in the midst of a spring or fall, summer or winter, I will see the beauty in it.

A State of Grace

2007-10-26T08:41:00.000-04:00

Hawaii is not a state of mind, but a state of grace. Paul Theroux

Back to the blog after a whirlwind few weeks of getting ready for an art exhibit and open house to benefit a volunteer organization I am a part of, and two weeks of vacation in Hawaii to recover from said project. Little did I know when I left in the wee hours of the "morning after", that this trip, like all the other major trips in my life, was at the right time, in the right place. and I was about to discover what Paul Theroux meant by his quote.

It is hard to go to a place where rainbows are around every corner and not think about grace. I spent the first three days of my trip in Hilo on the Big Island while my husband worked on his power plant project. Who knew the Japanese Garden I longed to see was right next to the Hilo Hawaiian where we were staying? Between the exhaustion of the trip and the weeks before, as exhilarating as the event had been, I was in the mood to be in a calm place, surrounded by ponds, statues, pagodas, with the added bonus of the garden looking out on the bay and Mauna Kea. I knew the trip was timely when the one day my husband was gone until the wee hours was also the day that the mountain was not covered by clouds (a rare occurrence).

I have learned over the years, while I love both the water and the mountains, it is the mountains that sustain me during meditation times. When it comes to water, I am more of a sound side person rather than ocean. The islands had plenty of waterfalls, quiet bays, rivers and ponds. They also had plenty of mountains peeking in and out of clouds at just the right moments. But somehow, the divine plan knew, at this point in the trip, I needed this garden without clutter, the old people walking slowly in the morning, and the toddlers being chased by moms in the afternoon. The mama mongoose with two babies, the tea house ceremony I happened upon and being reminded of a dear Japanese friend, the calm of the lagoons crossed by perfectly arched bridges, the bonsai, captivated my mind and spirit. Not to mention I realized my zen garden had been almost a premonition and would be a reminder of my trip, based on the stones I had placed so carefully. I literally could feel my soul unwind.

There will be lots to ponder about my Hawaii trip in the coming weeks, about grace, beauty, and perseverance. That is the beauty of memories, now that my jet lagged mind is less cluttered and my soul is calm.

2007-09-08T19:43:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation

The obstacle is the path. Zen proverb

Have you ever tried to find peace, only to be blocked by one obstacle after another? Did you give up or did you work your way through? What would it mean to believe that gaining peace is hard work well worth doing?

The Rocky Road to Zen

I planned to put a Japanese or zen garden in the corner of the backyard to hide the fact that all green things had died in our North Carolina drought. I planned to create a place of peace and meditation in the midst of a busy fall and my husband's latest PSA test results being up more than we like. I planned to research, ask for help finding resources, and just enjoy creating something that I could appreciate all year long.

Little did I know!!! Searching on-line I discovered that the term "zen garden" is not truly Japanese but was re appropriated after the term had origins in the west, like pizza making its way back to Italy. So there went my idea of being authentic except for my inherited Japanese lantern from my mother's garden. I couldn't find anyone who could tell me what kind of gravel to use in my garden so that I could make lovely raked patterns. I found Japanese screens on-line which definitely would not bring me peace due to the price. Finding a lovely substitute at our local Lowes was only a momentary thrill as I discovered it was the only one in the entire Raleigh area after the end of season clearance...sure enough, I needed two. My husband's truck battery was dead when we tried beat the heat and get to the Stone Center early to pick up the stones I had eyed the day before. What on earth?

Those obstacles really threw me for a loop on my journey to build my little haven of peace. This was supposed to be an easy project with a relaxing outcome and, instead, turned into a mountain of aggravation. I sure wasn't feeling peaceful this morning when the truck situation pushed me over the edge. But as the proverb says, "obstacles are the path." So I began cataloguing the good parts of this adventure coming through the struggles.

If the information I needed had been at my finger tips, I wouldn't have searched as much on-line and learned about the all the famous, and not so famous, gardens in Japan, including the one that was my inspiration, Ryoan-ji. (Thanks to the Bowdoin College site on Japanese gardens )

I wouldn't have discovered the Stone Center (highway 55 in Durham, NC) head guy, Pat Lynn who was available when we finally arrived, is a fount of knowledge about zen gardens, the types of stones and gravel people look for. Of course, with all that new found information, I couldn't decide whether to go for mountain looking stones or the practice of having a papa, mama, and baby stone so I did the American thing and got them all. So much for simplicity.

I wouldn't have appreciated how hard my husband worked in the heat when I hit a snag as I put up my screens. He also looked pretty good with his muscles flexing. Oh, did I say "screenS"? Yes, indeed. I wouldn't have had the joy of finding another bamboo screen unexpectedly in a corner of another Lowes, next to the first of the Christmas ornaments already out in September!

My muscles are aching. I still have a day's work of laying down a pebble path and planting a juniper as my sole bit of green in my garden. I might even go back to the Stone Center for more gravel to make sure I have the required two inches. But my little garden, "Julie's interpretation of a Japanese garden that Westerners call zen," has enlightened me, tired me enough to sleep well tonight, and promises plenty of meditation in the days ahead. The obstacles have been worth the path to peace.

2007-08-28T16:28:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation
God, for wise reasons, has made our affairs in this world, almost as fickle and capricious as ourselves.—Pain and pleasure, like light and darkness, succeed each other; and he that knows how to accommodate himself to their periodical returns, and can wisely extract the good from the evil,—knows only how to live. Laurence Sterne

Do you believe that pain and pleasure run in cycles in your life? How do you see the good in the dark times, or are you able to do so? Has God really made "our affairs...fickle" or does God have more to do with how things go in our lives?

Lunar Eclipse

Early this morning, the moon, glowing golden last night, disappeared from view. A lunar eclipse. It wasn't as dramatic as a solar eclipse. After all, it was at 5:30AM and few were awake. There is also something about having a reflected light, rather than light source, disappear from view. No biggie. So we all just slept through and greeted the sun as it rose instead.

I have been pondering the issue of life's light and dark moments this week as the new book detailing Mother Teresa's spiritual darkness, Come Be My Light, was covered extensively in the media. Her letters revealed she founded her mission but then felt abandoned by God, or rather didn't feel God's presence for most of the rest of her life. Needless to say, people do not expect this from a woman many consider a saint. To which, one of my friends said his first response to the coverage was, "so you think being a saint is easy?"

That is where I think Laurence Sterne has it right, considering he is an eighteenth century male. Life IS full of periods of light and darkness, pleasure and pain, opportunities to cling to God against the moodiness of our daily existence. Women are often accused of being moody, living in the highs and lows, but maybe we just recognize the characteristic up and down quality of life that Sterne talks about, flow with it, more than men do. Mother Teresa flew to the highest of heights in her relationship and calling to God. It does not surprise me she then found herself in the darkness. I am reminded of being told not to look at the sun because it would burn one's eyes and cause blindness. Was the darkness a result of such spiritual ecstasy or a closer tie to Christ and his earthly experience? Maybe, it was just a part of life's capricious nature and cycles that Mother Teresa adapted to...

It has been said that Mother Teresa's experience would make it easier for those going through dark times, or feeling God's absence. As much, we can also learn from Sterne. For most of us, life is not all light or all darkness. Seeing the good in the dark times, knowing that good times are not the sum total of what helps us grow through our lives, this realization can bring us comfort and peace each day be it cloudy or fair.

2007-08-23T15:47:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation

Adventure is just bad planning. Roald Amundsen

Do you believe adventure is just bad planning? What does this quote say to you about planning ahead and spontaneity?

What are your plans for today?

"What are your plans for today?", my dentist asked. Why do they always ask questions when their fingers are in your mouth? He had to ask the question again because I didn't answer. "What are your plans for today?" I looked at him with this stunned look in my eye and said, "I have no plans." "Lucky you," he replied.

I left the dentist with the realization that it was 9:00 AM and I had already had the highlight of my day. The dentist! I called my husband and asked if our rescheduled trip to Hawaii was on or not. If it hadn't been, well, I would have been in the temp services office of NC State or Manpower within the half hour. No plans! The dentist thought I was lucky. My friends still think I am fortunate to be between jobs, working on a wonderful volunteer program like The Flower Shuttle, seeing friends, traveling with my husband, and writing. But I wasn't feeling blessed, only blindsided.

Now I know that God has plans for me: "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I continue to count on that blessing each day. I still remind myself of my earlier "Ah, ha!" moment post-postponed surgery when I tried the great experiment of just seeing what would rise forth on days that were free of any and all plans. But that morning in my dentist's office, I was hit with the realization that maybe sometimes I avoid making plans because I expect adventure to just drop in my lap. Some days it does. Some days it doesn't. And on those days, plans come in handy.

In reality, I do have longer term plans as I work on a charity event for The Flower Shuttle which will be held in October. Then we try again to go to Hawaii. Do I need to have firm plans for each day, each hour? Obviously, my dentist assumed so and, for just a moment, so did I. But I think mainly what I needed the reminder of a sense of adventure when approaching each day, regardless of what I may already seeing myself doing in it.

2007-08-20T11:40:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation

No heirloom of humankind captures the past as do art and language. Theodore Bikel

What heirlooms capture YOUR past? Is there a favorite piece of clothing you just can't part with? Or is it your grandmother's set of dishes? Your old baseball glove? Or simply a memory....

Out with the Old, In with the Older!

I have spent a good bit of time this morning moving mementos and antiques out of their display cases and shelves. Church tithing banks that families used to collect their offerings for Sunday, duck decoys, and dust, lots of dust, all have gotten moved, wiped or packed away. I had thought I had done a great job with my husband of decluttering in the past few months. "Look at all that open space," we congratulated ourselves. Then my dad wanted us to divide more heirlooms and take them home.

Dividing heirlooms is not one of my favorite tasks. "Who gets what" combined with having to find space while also expecting my husband's (an only child) heirlooms to show up does not make for my kind of fun. My thought is, "if I have done without these things since I moved out at the age of 19, then I can do without them now." Well, except anything with a peacock on it - the fireboard, china plate, carnival glass bowl and yellowware pitcher. I am obsessed with peacocks but haven't the slightest inking why. No accounting for taste, I guess.

So I am dividing items into categories: stuff which is taking up space but has no meaning and can be sold or stored, "growing up" items with memories, married life acquirements that make me sentimental, things to rotate but keep on display, things destined for my children or the attic...it's work! No wonder the Bible warns about accumulating stuff with the story of the merchant who built bigger and bigger barns.

But I must confess that getting a piece of old slave made pottery from the Hilton plantation (with all the historical and emotional angst that entails), more of my dad's bird carvings, and other family items does cause a ripple of excitement as I anticipate their arrival. I can add them to the memories of partnering with my dad as we worked on his memoir as things truly worth holding on to with both hands. They inspire ruminations of history or appreciation of relationships and times gone by. So I will find the space for these things.

Maybe if I can get my kids to take some of the things that inspire their memories....

2007-08-14T15:50:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation

The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched. Henry David Thoreau

Often we don't get the full picture of our daily lives unless we step away from the routine. How have you stepped away this summer? What perspective have you gained? What do you count as star-dust or a bit of a rainbow?

Beyond the Rainbow

Marty and I were married on one of the hottest days DC had seen, 99 or a 100 degrees depending on who you ask, 100% humidity. The record wasn't broken until this year, the same time we decided to celebrate our anniversary by going to Charleston, SC for a few days. We had been to Charleston before, together and separately, and so expected to leisurely stroll the streets without feeling like we had to scurry around and see all the highlights. Rising early each morning to beat the heat, we wandered the streets and snuck through alleyways, taking pictures of gardens behind walls, lush window boxes, and colorful architecture. We stopped in art galleries to cool off, be inspired and, unexpectedly, discovered dappled dachshunds, coton de tulears (a small breed from Madagascar) and teddy bear yorkies. Who knew we would get warm fuzzie bundles of fur with our art? A little surprise, like a rainbow on a stormy afternoon. It is easier to see the surprises of life when you are on vacation just as it is easier to ponder your life if you aren't plodding through the daily routine.

I believe we look at Thoreau's bit of rainbow in our hands, and are blind to what our daily lives really amount to in the scheme of things. If we are blessed, we see the star-dust and rows of color. But often we just see dust and the rain. Conversely, sometimes we need to see the rain and the dust but fool ourselves into believing things are beautiful and hunky dory! In either case, that is where stepping away and examining our lives is so fruitful.

Charleston was what a mini-vacation was supposed to be: a time away to "regroup" as Marty said and see what "the daily harvest" truly is, as Thoreau implies. It also was a metaphor as we looked at the "Rainbow Row" of houses that Charleston is famous for. Somehow they just weren't as wonderful as we remembered, given that we had also seen the Painted Ladies of San Francisco. The Row was far better in our mind than in real life.

Our perspective had changed based on new travel experiences and time. We weren't dissatisfied with Rainbow Row, but it no longer was our most favorite landmark. Kind of how our satisfaction with our daily lives changes, given time and experience. For me, this trip reminded me that a great $100 meal can be made at home for less than ten...if I would take the time to cook! A $10,000 painting is wonderful but so is a picture taken by one's talented husband and put on display. Days of vacationing in a city whose historic district reminds us of Europe are wonderful but the routine of daily life has its own rewards upon returning home. Yet, the vacation time away and distance gave me the space to think about getting back in the working world and what that would entail.

Glad for the time away to ponder. Glad to be back to move forward. Glad for the daily routine and for the changes needing to be made in it so the stardust reveals the stars and the bit of rainbow becomes the full arch.

Distress-INK Week

2007-08-07T07:36:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation

Whatever creativity is, it is in part a solution to a problem. Brian Aldiss
When you find yourself in distress, what do you do to get yourself out of the mood? What would happen if you turned to your craft, your writing, your garden in these times?

Its Distress-INK...

Last week I sent out four sympathy cards, all for tragic losses. This week started with the death of my only uncle, after an illness and downhill slide that was eerily similar to that of my mother's two and a half years ago. My sisters and I are sending flowers but, once again, I am compelled to dig out my paper bits, glue, and stamps to say what pre-made sympathy cards never seem to say.

In the midst of all this card making, I discovered "distress-inks" which create an aged look to paper. Ironic name, huh? I admit it, if there is a new technique involving paper, I am in. I crumpled paper, stamped and swished the colors of a teabag and faded rose over quotes about the calm beneath the stormy seas to add to a Victorian era picture of a cloudy day at the beach. It always amazes me how I can get involved in my projects, usually after forcing myself when I am in a bad or depressed state, and come up for air an hour later with a clear head and sense of peace.

Creativity will always be a part of my solution to life's problems (thank you Mr. Aldiss). Creativity doesn't make my challenges disappear but it does remind me that there is more to life than struggle or death or the emptiness of boredom.

Paradise Postponed

2007-07-31T07:38:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation
Traveling is a fool’s paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places. At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where do you travel in your mind when you want to escape reality for a while? Have you found your paradise while traveling or been disappointed in the reality of the place? How can you travel with realistic expectations?

Hawaii is "dead to me" in the words of that infamous comic conservative Stephen Colbert. The first time I didn't get there was two days after 9/11. The latest was when an important project of mine was scheduled the same time as my husband's business trip out there to discuss power plant projects. I won't tell you about the four other times in between. Paradise once again has been postponed. In my mind, Hawaii is a place I will only see in my mind and my husband's digital pictures on-line.

Quite a few of my friends have traveled recently only to have "triptus interruptus." The first time I was hit with the disease was when bacteria-laden clams invaded my system in Rockport Massachusetts. Need I say more? A friend went hiking in the Cascades and broke her foot. More than likely we all have travel horror stories but, even more common for us, I think, are the travel burden stories when the mental baggage outweighs the suitcases we have crammed full. A friend went to Hawaii, burdened with the knowledge that her beloved pet was gravely ill. Another friend went on sabbatical to Italy and through the US with her daughter, a young adult but always your child, struggling with illness at home. Some situations and people just don't get left behind at the airport security gate or at home or work.

I told my husband I couldn't travel before my event was pulled off because I would worry as much there as I would at home and it wouldn't be a vacation for me - even if it was in paradise. Little did I know I echoed Emerson. As someone experienced in taking retreats, I know the value of getting away. I also know the value of realizing a change in location will not change one's mind and soul, only allow the freedom to potentially change perspective. So for this week, I will head out to my deck and the hummingbirds on the wave petunias, assessing my burdens, pondering my choices, and being glad to see the bit of paradise in my own backyard.

The Art of Friendship

2007-07-28T09:10:00.000-04:00

Quest by Quotation

It is commonly said by farmers, that a good pear or apple costs no more time or pains to rear, than a poor one; so I would have no work of art, no speech, or action, or thought, or friend, but the best. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~C.S. Lewis

What creative hobbies or interests bind you to your friends? How would creativity help you to make new friends?

Saturday I went to Seagrove N.C., home of a community of potters, with one friend. Wednesday was Wilmington and the discovery of a wonderful wood themed shop, Barouke, full of everything wooden from jewelry to furniture with another. Friday was Cedar Creek Gallery, wood, pottery and glass, in Raleigh with yet another friend.

I had decided last week that I needed a mental health break and gallivanting around North Carolina seeking inspiration from the artists scattered about seemed the way to take a "mini- vacation." Also soothing my soul was the presence of good friends. My friends are all different, though we are about the same age. However, I marveled over and over at the blessing of companions who appreciate beauty and creativity in others, linger over the smoothness of fired clay or comment on the colors of glazes, wonder at the idea to turn wood fence posts into vases, or appreciate the garden flowers and art in front of a shop.

My writing friends, Emerson and Lewis, note that both friendship and art are things we must cultivate in order to have a full life, one with greater meaning than mere survival. I am fortunate to be surrounded by those who help make my life better by their own creativity, insight, and appreciation for the beauty created by others. For one who believes that God resides in each one of us, in our souls, I know the Creator resides in my friends.

Lost and Found

2007-07-23T08:01:00.000-04:00

It's gone. The bracelet my daddy brought back from the Great Southwest when I was a very little girl is gone. I don't have that many pieces of my past that go back that far...and now I have one less. Somewhere between South Restaurant in North Hills and JC Penny's, it disappeared, ironically right after my lunch mate admired it.

I was not as upset as I thought I should be so I waited two days, between calling restaurants and offices to check and see if it was found, to see if my usual delayed reaction appeared. I got a little more blue, sniffed, and moaned. Still nothing major. No national day of shrouded grief. No debilitating agony. What I did experience was pondering thoughts about those items in my life that would have caused an instantaneous thirty-day period of mourning. My wedding and engagement rings that have been on my fingers twenty-seven years as of next month. My husband lost his wedding band at the side of the road after having to reload an order of lumber. Fortunately it was found but the guy was in the kind of agony I both appreciated and forever after want to avoid. The black and white cameo ring that was the last thing my mother bought for me, as we strolled around an antique show in Asheville, NC, before her untimely death. I have always called it my magic ring because I put it on and it was a perfect fit. The necklace with the "Ask Seek, Knock" door charm that is more symbolic than a cross to me. Not much more than that.

We all think we won't survive when we lose the material things like jewelry or, worse, our homes. When we lose loved ones, it does feel unbearable. What we do not lose are the memories attached to those people and things. While there are days when that may seem like cold comfort, those memories become a part of our very essence, who we are, what we will become. That thought is what I like to think I have found this week, in the midst of loss.

Of Lizards and Hummingbirds

2007-07-17T16:46:00.001-04:00

Ray Bradbury had it right or write! What we can learn from the lizards and hummingbirds! I did not expect to find a quotation that included both those magical creatures but there, I would find it in the Zen in the Art of Writing. I had put off posting to this blog because nothing was coming to me...and then I sat on my deck soaking the sun up like a woman of twenty, rather than the crows footed forty-something I am. Two lizards caught my eye. One was in the midst of a color change, half brown, half green, as it went from geranium plant to terracotta pot. The other had already blended into our deck, grayish-brown. Both went from stock-still to zipping along in seconds depending on the potential meal of insects before them or imagined predators (me or the old orange tabby cat that thinks it has visiting rites on our deck). The hummingbird couple flitted in to check out the wave petunias, paused, and, finding them not as easy to raid as a sugar water feeder, dashed off to the neighbors. I said this morning to some friends, I have two chameleons in my head and need to get them out. Little did I know they were simply prompts to get me to the keyboard.

How many thoughts do we let drop by because we think they are unimportant? How many ideas do we lose due to distractions? How many moments of meditation slip by because we are not willing to freeze for a few minutes and observe? It is as important to move quickly as to move slowly. In our American society, we are often accused of one or the other. This I know, it is a balance of both whether we are writers, teachers, homebodies, or engineers.

Basking in Attentiveness

2007-07-11T09:35:00.000-04:00

Visiting restaurants is usually a mixed bag experience for me. With allergies to wheat and corn and a limited budget, finding menu items I can eat and enjoy is a challenge. Money aside, I would rather spend top dollar for a gourmet meal than get by with a cheap one and suffer the consequences. However, it is more than fine and creatively prepared "safe" food that makes a dining experience memorable for me.

Three experiences, two recently and one within the last year, drove home to me the importance of developing the art of attentiveness, that ability to listen to another's needs and respond accordingly. The first was at St. Jacques in Raleigh where my husband and I enjoyed a wonderful meal to mark our anniversary. We enjoyed stellar preparations that reminded us of our time in Paris but what made it special was the waiter noticing I was left handed and changing my place setting (flatware, glasses, and all) to accommodate my south paw. As a leftie in a right-handed world, I was stunned. Since when do restaurants or their staff really take the time to look at who they are serving and their needs?

But attentiveness wasn't simply a by-product of visting a high-end establishment, as I discovered when I visited Chilis in Apex. The waiter had listened to my questions about the menu and my husband mentioned I had an allergy to corn. When my entree arrived without the requested side dish of rice and beans, I looked at the french fries before me and then at the waiter. He quickly explained he remembered my allergy, the dish was garnished with corn, and so he got me a substitute. Now I might have expected the previously mentioned professional to remember, but a harried college-aged kid in a franchise? Again, I was stunned.

My most recent experience at Piazza Italia in Durham was icing on the cake...or the gelato in this case. After downing the first italian entree I have been able to eat since discovering my limitations, I asked my waiter about the presence of corn sugars in the gelato flavors since they hide everywhere in bases, syrups, and other ingredients. I was then treated to a visit by the chef (the CHEF) who told me he looked into as many of their thirty flavors as he could to find which ones did not have any corn-based ingredients. Ah, pistachio was at the top of the list! But again, I was heard and time was taken to see to my needs.

Thinking about these three experiences has left me pretty humbled. In a world where we tend to rush on through and ignore the concerns of others, I have been reminded what a precious gift is attentiveness. We may not run establishments that depend on good service to make a go of it but we do run lives that are richer for being attuned to those around us. I am thankful to those three individuals for their lesson in listening and caring. Now to follow through on my end....

In the Cards

2007-07-06T08:19:00.000-04:00

I design and make cards. I have done so for years but it wasn't until 2002 that I went beyond the "print off a card from the computer, sign and send". Up until then I would handwrite a meaningful message suitable for the occasion and the picture on the card would take secondary import. Heck, it wouldn't really have any import. Who am I kidding? Half the time, I just invested an hour and some cash in Hallmark anyway.

Until February 2o02, that is. I was slammed with a wicked case of the flu which left me and my immune system battered and bruised, to the point the doctors guessed I might have leukemia. They ultimately decided that it was an auto-immune reaction causing my overwhelming fatigue, bruising, and lack of brain functioning. I couldn't walk. Could hardly talk. Working was out of the question. Most frightening, I couldn't put coherent thoughts together nor could I tell colors anymore.

For a while, I didn't care but then my lack of finances interfered with congratulating friends on their birthday, sympathizing with family on losses, letting folks know I appreciated their care and concern. For some reason I was surfing and discovered three things that would sow the seeds of creation in my soul. I discovered Creative Papers on line which had scrap packs of paper of all colors and textures. It hit me that if I sorted the papers by color, with a little help from my husband, I could relearn the color spectrum.

I didn't get the paper for cards. I just had the paper for skill recovery. But what could I do with all that paper now that I had it? Cards. What else did I have? Time. I had never had extended time to sit and really dream and design before. Time to put prayer into the cards' creation, thought into the right words for the occasion. I had pastoral experience to know what NOT to say. Personal experience to know life throws stuff at you and the importance of hearing that others care. I realized as I surfed that quote sites like bartleby.com and quotegarden.com gave me the right words when I could not think of them on my own.

The right words, the right medium, and time....tools for creation I would have never discovered if it hadn't been for an illness stopping me in my tracks. "Manure for the flower garden". Beauty and caring out of suffering and ugliness. It was in the cards....

Found Time

2007-07-03T08:59:00.000-04:00

Found Time "Don't drink the phosphosoda!" said the voice in the phone. That's how I found out my surgeon had broken her hand, thereby cancelling surgery (and required prep) I had anticipated for months, and making a mockery of the four weeks of totally blank Outlook Express calendar on my computer set aside for recovery. No projects. No appointments. No anything.

Even in my most laidback periods of life when I was not working a full-time position, there was always something to be done, to do, to explore. Hair appointments. Lunch with friends. Seminars and book readings. Hours and hours, days and days, weeks and weeks, now loomed. Hey, I had thought I was going to have my husband at my beck and call while I slept off anesthesia and healed cut muscles. Everyone had told me to make sure I took it easy. And I took their advice. Now look where their advice had gotten me. The Land of Panic, that is where I was and feared I would stay.

After two days in shock from disappointment and fear of what this all meant, I was desperately praying for divine guidance. Sitting on my back deck, staring at red geraniums and purple wave petunias, begging even them to give me a clue, it hit me. What if I didn't look at this time as some heaven sent intervention into my surgery schedule (even I don't believe God would break my doc's hand to keep me from going under the knife)? What if what this time was, was what it was - FOUND TIME. Time to let things bubble to the surface. Time to see what I would have missed if I had been lying flat on my back with a bell for calling my servant-spouse in one hand and a book in the other.

The trick would be not to manufacture things to do but let them just appear out of the universe. A warm visit with in-laws. My newlywed son and his wife's move into their first home or celebrating family friends who rejoiced in their 50th anniversary. Writing an unexpected magazine article asked for and due the week after my surgery date. Lunch with new friends and a day with an old one who came in from California unexpectedly. Silence on the deck watching the birds and bunnies. Strength to be the parent and spouse I needed to be right now. Playing with paper as I create my custom cards. Playing with words as I create this blog.

It has come to mind more than once that I should have been living my life this way from the start. Anticipating each day. Not working so hard to fill it. Enjoying the blank hours on my calendar and appreciating the Found Time.

Now I am off to see what bubbles up today....

Where is this leading?

2007-07-02T09:06:00.000-04:00

You need a blog. You need to write. I have three and you don't even have one...what is up with that? Ah, the pressure. As one who used to write sermons and lessons on a regular basis weekly, and articles for magazines monthly, it might seem strange that I haven't picked up on the blog craze yet. Maybe it is because it just seems too presumptuous that folks would be interested in what I have to say. Maybe it is or maybe it is just an advanced way of sharing with others who are questioning the world around them, creating art, leaping into new adventures, trying to recover from difficult religious experiences, figuring out life after the kids move out and on with their lives and mostly wanting a reason to write on a regular basis.

What are my expectations of this blog? My sister Mary took the life experience option and turned it into a how-to for folks moving to New York City...find her at http://newbienyc.blogspot.com. Personal but more informational, a grand list of all things you need to know about NYC whether visiting or settling there. Here in the Research Triangle of North Carolina, I don't see myself having the grand adventures of my sister. We have food, art and "drama" but not to the celebrity scale that entertains folks on her site.

I am, as my blog states, a backyard hermit...someone who has struggled with the tension of being in communion with God in a solitary manner and still be a part of the world. I tend to see God in all things, ordinary and grand. I have a quirky, humorous eye for life (or so I have been told). Nature is my grand cathedral but the Christian radio station fills my car (when country or classical don't win out).

So we will just see where this is all leading...any subject suggestions for me to ponder, observations, encouragement is welcome.