"The Time For Holding Back Is Over"

My friend Mary Jo is starting her own movement on Facebook.  It all began when she posted the news about another friend, Lisa, looking forward to boxing in her first match.  Oh, she's been training a while but this is a real fight with an audience in the big city of Atlanta.  In her blog "The Glowing Edge," Lisa describes preparing for the event and her trainer's challenge to her, "the time for holding back is over."   Mary Jo saw the gift in these words. She then challenged ME as well as her other friends to try to live by this motto for the next six months.  I believe I am up to it. 

When I was younger, I never cried at emotional scenes in movies.  I didn't wail over shots or when I was bullied for being an overweight middle-schooler.  Later, as an adult, I kept secrets I shouldn't have. When challenged or berated, I held my tongue as any nice southern lady would.  Even my talents were hidden under a bushel as I made myself smaller than those around me. Being noticed is difficult. So I inhaled and never exhaled. It doesn't matter how I got to that point. The point is I found myself stuck in this mode several times in my life. I held my breath, held my head down, held in, held at arm's length, barely held together, and, most of all, held back.

Blessedly, those seasons of holding back were relieved by times when I could not hold back any more. For example, I was never a advocate for myself with medical personnel. Until my daughter was born one Easter Sunday.  In labor, I arrived at the hospital only 45 minutes before my baby was ready to enter the world. Have I mentioned there was no time for drug intervention?  This was in the days before the all-in-one birthing rooms so they started moving my bed to delivery.  Except the bed got stuck in the door.  My upper body was in the labor room. My lower body, with crowning baby, was in the hall with people walking by.  I won't tell you how many of those 45 minutes were spent trying to get my gurney unstuck. I won't describe the looks on the faces of the passers-by. But I will tell you when I got to delivery and finally got to push, I screamed. May I mention, once again, no drugs were used in the birthing of this baby? The nurse told me to be quiet.  I told her it hurt like heck and I would scream if I wanted to scream. Except I didn't use "heck."  I didn't hold back and I felt better for it.

These waves of holding back and letting go have ebbed and flowed in my life. Now, over two decades later, I have been reminded holding back is a painful pattern we, especially women, fall into on a daily basis. It affects our emotional and physical health, our careers, and our relationships. So I am taking up the No Holding Back challenge for the sake of bettering my life. I will dream dreams and do something about them. I will shine a light as I am able and not worry about overshadowing someone else. As far as holding my breath goes, I am taking yoga. Whew!

How have you been holding back?  What are you holding your breath over? Are you prepared to take the No Holding Back challenge? Give it a shot.   
            

The NY Times Hope and Romance Column

I like traditions. I seem to have them for every day of the week. On Saturdays, I read the Weddings and Celebrations page of the New York Times via their website. Every weekend, a different couple's wedding is featured. They may have known each other for a decade or more. They may have dated a year. The bride and groom may be in their twenties or in their seventies. Their families may be well-known or middle class immigrants. But there are commonalities in all the stories.

 These stories speak of love sometimes lost and found. But love is always found in the end. Each feature includes mentions of  fateful events, the input of family and friends, obstacles to love, dark moments, and the event that makes these couples realize they are in love. It took me a while but I figured out why I love reading these stories. They are miniature romance novels with Happily Ever Afters always included.

The Weddings and Celebrations column is a smart bit of marketing in a newspaper filled with bad news. As a voracious news reader, I find myself latching on to hopeful media stories these days.  I seek good news in a sea of sad business. It is not as hard as one might think.  Life has a way of still happening. Couples fall in love. Babies are born. People are kind to each other. Those who are downtrodden triumph over obstacles. Each event is an positive sign people still believe in a happy future in spite of dark days. While I have plenty of scriptural reminders of hope, it is nice to be reminded people all over the world live lives filled with this confidence. For my Saturday helping, HEAs do quite nicely.

What are reminders of hope in your life? Is it a favorite scripture or passage from a book? Do you scan the web for happy tales? Do you look at your children or those around you and feel hopeful? When you are down, look for signs of hope. They are there.    

Book Karma

I crave books.  Even more than books, I crave winning books.  But more than sticking to a low book-buying budget, my motivation is the thrill of trying new authors, insights or genres. I troll websites, hang out at Goodreads.com, make comments on Facebook, and volunteer to review new releases. It is more fun than buying a lottery ticket with a greater likelihood of success.  

I find myself winning books in clumps.  This past weekend, I won four from Friday through Sunday. It's never just one. When that anonymous person said, "good things come in threes," they weren't kidding.  I have named this phenomenon "book karma."

But "book karma" is a funny thing.  A while back, I signed up for a giveaway of A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay.  I am not sure what interested me in this book except she had written Sarah's Key which got great reviews. But then I read the synopsis.  It involves dark family secrets and other things that make me tense. Now, why I was shocked about the plot I don't know.  The title of the book includes the word "secret."  My heart sank. The book contest ended the day ten other giveaways did. I remember thinking, "I 'll probably win the book I least want to read." Well, you guessed it, I won A Secret Kept.

Now, I could say "rotten luck" but I choose not to do so.  I prefer to think of those times when "book karma" has gifted me in ways I celebrated outright. I will celebrate this dark book as well.  After all,  I just revisited Nicholas Sparks even though Safe Haven is supposedly a bit darker than his other books. I haven't read his novels in a while because they make me cry. But he didn't break my heart this time!  Maybe I am supposed to read A Secret Kept as a way to continue getting over my fear of darker fiction.  I feel a trend starting. That's the way my "book karma" works.    

I don't consider myself luckier than others when it comes to winning books. After all, I work hard at it! But why do things happen the way they do?  I am not sure. However, I tend to look for messages in my daily life, my Bible, and my meditations to guide me along. God has a way of using our lives and livelihoods to reach us.  I read voraciously. Is it any surprise I have received books I needed to read at just the right moment, even if it was just for the pleasure of being distracted from the tough times in my life?  For others, it may be seeing rainbows at the right time or having a stranger say the right thing out of the blue. "Book karma" for me may be "rainbow karma" or "stranger wisdom" for others. Whatever it is, God has a way of communicating with us, knowing what we need even when we do not. So I look forward to A Secret Kept and the lessons I will learn.

Have you noticed things happening in "clumps"? What messages might you be getting? Start paying attention to those Godincidences.

Peace, Julie 

   

Used Bookstore Headache

When it comes to genetics, my husband passed along bad teeth and freckles to our children. I generously gave my daughter a genetic B-12 deficiency and a dislike of stress. So when my daughter told me she preferred to buy her books rather than use a library, I knew exactly how she felt. I have the same problem, especially when I am on the library's most popular book list and don't know when I will get it. The stress of getting that new bestseller finished in a week can suck the enjoyment out of any book, not to mention needing to be in the mood to read whatever the library throws at you.  Fiction when you are hankering for a biography or non-fiction self-help guide just doesn't do it. So, this past week, I became her book finder.  I went out in search of the books on her list, visiting more than one bookstore on a quest to find as many as I could. Unfortunately, her budget required I peruse used bookstores for the most part.

As much as I understand my daughter's point of view, I am still conflicted about the whole UBS business.  When I started reading romance and decided to read a number of golden oldies no longer in print, I had to purchase books through half.com and a few UBS in town.  The library didn't have them and they could not be found otherwise.  But I also like the feeling of supporting the authors I love when I purchase their books, even with deep discounts or 33% off coupons. I may not like paying full price for a trade paperback at $14.99 but I understand the necessity of the price point for authors and the industry. 

In spite of my author loyalty, when I venture into a UBS, I also notice the unemployed middle aged woman searching for health guides or the young stay at home mom looking for children's books, the senior citizen looking for pleasure reading or the teens looking for DVDs. The economy has made the local UBS the bookstore of choice or necessity for many who want the feeling of browsing in a bookstore but are unable to pay $24 for a hardback even with discount.  My own daughter occasionally buy new books but her salary makes her frugal.  What about that side of the coin? Therefore, my headache.

There are many ethical issues right now floating about in the media. Like the UBS debate, they don't have clear cut answers or people think they should. It isn't just gray in a black and white world. It is muddy out there.  I pray about these things but often in equal measure with arguing with myself or making excuses for whatever I decide. I need to listen to God's guidance more on these issues, seeking answers that are in line with my faith. I also need to recognize those answers often don't come in a day or even over a lifetime. Maybe then I will have fewer headaches.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me." John 5:30

What issues are you conflicted about? Have you prayed about these issues and what would you discover if you did? 

Peace, Julie

     

Amish Attraction

"What are you, Amish?" cried one of my youth group when I told them there would be no television on their work retreat. From then on, I was known as "the Amish Lady."  They were a difficult bunch but I laughed at their nickname. I secretly DID long to be that "Amish Lady."

I used a computer like no one's business. I was a shopaholic. I did not live on a farm. But after visiting Lancaster, PA and the surrounding area as a child, I was hooked on the Amish lifestyle. My favorite book was Roseanna of the Amish. I loved shoofly pie and the quilts.  But most of all, I loved the sense of community, simplicity, and daily purpose of these people.  

These days, it seem the Amish attraction I felt has become more commonplace. The world is more complicated. Technology has inserted itself even at the dinner table. The stress of life in a society where rules are ever changing can be overwhelming. People are seeking relief and have found it in a romanticized view of  Amish communities.

If you read inspirational women's fiction or romance, Amish books dominate the top seller's lists.  I have been reading a number of these Amish-themed novels lately.  Some show a working knowledge of and even past history as a person who lived in an Amish household. But sadly, some are only jumping on the Amish bandwagon. Simply by adding whoppie pie references, lavish meal descriptions, and cultural information, they hope to find a readership. It is not that simple.

The Amish themselves do not read these books because they view them as an often romanticized or over dramatized view of their lifestyle. The Amish have migrated to more than twenty-five states because they struggle to find affordable land to farm or new businesses they can run. Years as a tight knit religious community has produced genetic diseases which are considered a part of God's plan in their world but are still a tragedy. Violence, members leaving the communities, and accidents are commonplace.  There are so many sects of Amish because they have different views on owning a telephone, riding in cars, even what colors are allowed in their distinctive clothing.  There is a saying, "every time a disagreement starts, a new Baptist church is born." Same goes for the Amish.

Even knowing all these facts, I am still attracted to the Amish precisely because of their own struggles as very real people.  Now, reading all those Amish novels has reawakened my need to pick up some of those practices I have found so appealing over the years.  After two weeks of vacation without a television, I find I don't want to watch the emptiness of it nearly as much (okay, I still have a few favorites).  Due to illness, I have to stay off the computer more than you would think and I feel better for it.  I find purpose in the daily tasks of just keeping my household running. Humility and forgiveness are a big part of their religious beliefs. I need to practice these more in my own life. Lastly, I have decided I don't need to go clothes shopping for the rest of the year. If I could wear a simple black skirt, bonnet and colorful top, I would. But I am just going to have to simplify my wardrobe instead. Now there is a challenge! I will let you know how it goes.

Do you find the Amish life appealing ? Why? Are you wanting to simplify your life? What are steps you can take to do so?