It was a beautiful day as I sat in my car, waiting for my daughter to meet me for lunch. My nose deep in a book, I was lost to the world. Suddenly, someone pounded on my car window and I screamed. I looked up to see my daughter laughing her head off. She said, without apology, "I just kept thinking, please don't let Mom look up!" My kids know I can be scared by a good "boo."
It is the season of "boo," the week before Halloween, full of haunted houses in every town and horror movies on every cable channel. Now, I've had mixed feelings about Halloween my whole life. I loved dressing up as a kid and going to haunted houses as a teen. I also went through a conservative religious stage when I wouldn't let the children trick or treat. They could only go to the church's harvest festival. (Decades later, my twenty-something daughter is headed to Las Vegas for the holiday this year. Just sayin'.) These days, I've put it in perspective as a secular holiday wrecking havoc on teeth and sugar levels.
I've pondered why I'm enjoying the scary aspects of the holiday more this year. Why do I want to freak myself out? It is pretty simple. The world right now is a scary place. Terrorists, job loss and health scares jump out at unsuspecting folks at every turn. I know I don't need to be truly afraid. The Bible is full of scriptures encouraging us not to fear because the Lord is with us. But, regardless of my faith and prayers, I still get that creeping feeling in the back of my neck or subtle tension in my shoulders. Fear can do weird things to our minds and bodies without us even realizing it.
That is where a good "boo" comes in. The very attraction of Halloween is facing the ghoulies and ghosties haunting our dreams or imaginations. Facing fears we can control, like those movies or haunted house tours, somehow reminds us we can put those world fears in perspective as well. A good scream and heart rate increase releases some of the built-up tension. At least, that works for me for a brief while. After Halloween, I look forward to the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays and their healing powers of gratitude and promise - remedies even better and longer lasting than a "boo."
What are you afraid of? What can you do to put those fears in perspective in the coming weeks?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Met by a shotgun
My sisters and I are very different from each other. In fact, we were called "the Easter eggs" growing up because one of us had blond hair, another black, and the youngest was a red head. When we registered to vote, our differences showed as well. Just as we had hair and eye color of varying hues, we affiliated ourselves as a Democrat, a Republican, and an Independent. But we weren't "party line" people like my Granddaddy Hilton who always checked the box recording the fact he just wanted all candidates in his party to get his vote. My sisters and I vote our conscience, regardless of what is on our voter cards.
I attribute our belief to a story I heard about our mother. In her family's corner of Southwestern Virginia, Granddaddy Reasor was an odd duck, a Republican. When my mother went to register to vote, a man was standing outside the building with a shotgun. Knowing her for the "daddy's girl" she was, he pointed his weapon at her and said, "We don't need any Republicans, Miz Reasor. You're not coming in here." Now my mother had a choice. She could have turned tail and run home. She could have complained to the sheriff. Instead, she stared the man down, pushed the gun out of the way, and walked inside to register. The point was not that she was going to register as a Republican. She was going to register to vote, period, and no one could stop her from doing so.
I have thought of that story many times the past few weeks as I struggle with the burden of being a registered voter. This political season, I am not happy with any of the candidates. I am fearful of some and disgusted with others. The ugliness of political commercials and rallies of both sides has turned me off. Over and over again, I have asked myself why I continue to vote instead of turning into one of the majority of apathetic Americans who decline the privilege.
Ultimately, I have decided my feelings about the political parties, ads, insults, prejudices, and lack of concern for all Americans, have combined to become my "shotgun moment." My feelings are staring me in the face, threatening my right to add my opinion of how the country should be led. Am I really going to let others determine whether I vote or not? No. It is not going to be easy this election but I will think of my mother, push the shotgun out of the way, and vote my conscience.
What keeps you from voting? How can you reframe your feelings and exercise your privilege to vote?
I attribute our belief to a story I heard about our mother. In her family's corner of Southwestern Virginia, Granddaddy Reasor was an odd duck, a Republican. When my mother went to register to vote, a man was standing outside the building with a shotgun. Knowing her for the "daddy's girl" she was, he pointed his weapon at her and said, "We don't need any Republicans, Miz Reasor. You're not coming in here." Now my mother had a choice. She could have turned tail and run home. She could have complained to the sheriff. Instead, she stared the man down, pushed the gun out of the way, and walked inside to register. The point was not that she was going to register as a Republican. She was going to register to vote, period, and no one could stop her from doing so.
I have thought of that story many times the past few weeks as I struggle with the burden of being a registered voter. This political season, I am not happy with any of the candidates. I am fearful of some and disgusted with others. The ugliness of political commercials and rallies of both sides has turned me off. Over and over again, I have asked myself why I continue to vote instead of turning into one of the majority of apathetic Americans who decline the privilege.
Ultimately, I have decided my feelings about the political parties, ads, insults, prejudices, and lack of concern for all Americans, have combined to become my "shotgun moment." My feelings are staring me in the face, threatening my right to add my opinion of how the country should be led. Am I really going to let others determine whether I vote or not? No. It is not going to be easy this election but I will think of my mother, push the shotgun out of the way, and vote my conscience.
What keeps you from voting? How can you reframe your feelings and exercise your privilege to vote?
Monday, October 11, 2010
"The Time For Holding Back Is Over"
My friend Mary Jo is starting her own movement on Facebook. It all began when she posted the news about another friend, Lisa, looking forward to boxing in her first match. Oh, she's been training a while but this is a real fight with an audience in the big city of Atlanta. In her blog "The Glowing Edge," Lisa describes preparing for the event and her trainer's challenge to her, "the time for holding back is over." Mary Jo saw the gift in these words. She then challenged ME as well as her other friends to try to live by this motto for the next six months. I believe I am up to it.
When I was younger, I never cried at emotional scenes in movies. I didn't wail over shots or when I was bullied for being an overweight middle-schooler. Later, as an adult, I kept secrets I shouldn't have. When challenged or berated, I held my tongue as any nice southern lady would. Even my talents were hidden under a bushel as I made myself smaller than those around me. Being noticed is difficult. So I inhaled and never exhaled. It doesn't matter how I got to that point. The point is I found myself stuck in this mode several times in my life. I held my breath, held my head down, held in, held at arm's length, barely held together, and, most of all, held back.
Blessedly, those seasons of holding back were relieved by times when I could not hold back any more. For example, I was never a advocate for myself with medical personnel. Until my daughter was born one Easter Sunday. In labor, I arrived at the hospital only 45 minutes before my baby was ready to enter the world. Have I mentioned there was no time for drug intervention? This was in the days before the all-in-one birthing rooms so they started moving my bed to delivery. Except the bed got stuck in the door. My upper body was in the labor room. My lower body, with crowning baby, was in the hall with people walking by. I won't tell you how many of those 45 minutes were spent trying to get my gurney unstuck. I won't describe the looks on the faces of the passers-by. But I will tell you when I got to delivery and finally got to push, I screamed. May I mention, once again, no drugs were used in the birthing of this baby? The nurse told me to be quiet. I told her it hurt like heck and I would scream if I wanted to scream. Except I didn't use "heck." I didn't hold back and I felt better for it.
These waves of holding back and letting go have ebbed and flowed in my life. Now, over two decades later, I have been reminded holding back is a painful pattern we, especially women, fall into on a daily basis. It affects our emotional and physical health, our careers, and our relationships. So I am taking up the No Holding Back challenge for the sake of bettering my life. I will dream dreams and do something about them. I will shine a light as I am able and not worry about overshadowing someone else. As far as holding my breath goes, I am taking yoga. Whew!
How have you been holding back? What are you holding your breath over? Are you prepared to take the No Holding Back challenge? Give it a shot.
When I was younger, I never cried at emotional scenes in movies. I didn't wail over shots or when I was bullied for being an overweight middle-schooler. Later, as an adult, I kept secrets I shouldn't have. When challenged or berated, I held my tongue as any nice southern lady would. Even my talents were hidden under a bushel as I made myself smaller than those around me. Being noticed is difficult. So I inhaled and never exhaled. It doesn't matter how I got to that point. The point is I found myself stuck in this mode several times in my life. I held my breath, held my head down, held in, held at arm's length, barely held together, and, most of all, held back.
Blessedly, those seasons of holding back were relieved by times when I could not hold back any more. For example, I was never a advocate for myself with medical personnel. Until my daughter was born one Easter Sunday. In labor, I arrived at the hospital only 45 minutes before my baby was ready to enter the world. Have I mentioned there was no time for drug intervention? This was in the days before the all-in-one birthing rooms so they started moving my bed to delivery. Except the bed got stuck in the door. My upper body was in the labor room. My lower body, with crowning baby, was in the hall with people walking by. I won't tell you how many of those 45 minutes were spent trying to get my gurney unstuck. I won't describe the looks on the faces of the passers-by. But I will tell you when I got to delivery and finally got to push, I screamed. May I mention, once again, no drugs were used in the birthing of this baby? The nurse told me to be quiet. I told her it hurt like heck and I would scream if I wanted to scream. Except I didn't use "heck." I didn't hold back and I felt better for it.
These waves of holding back and letting go have ebbed and flowed in my life. Now, over two decades later, I have been reminded holding back is a painful pattern we, especially women, fall into on a daily basis. It affects our emotional and physical health, our careers, and our relationships. So I am taking up the No Holding Back challenge for the sake of bettering my life. I will dream dreams and do something about them. I will shine a light as I am able and not worry about overshadowing someone else. As far as holding my breath goes, I am taking yoga. Whew!
How have you been holding back? What are you holding your breath over? Are you prepared to take the No Holding Back challenge? Give it a shot.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The NY Times Hope and Romance Column
I like traditions. I seem to have them for every day of the week. On Saturdays, I read the Weddings and Celebrations page of the New York Times via their website. Every weekend, a different couple's wedding is featured. They may have known each other for a decade or more. They may have dated a year. The bride and groom may be in their twenties or in their seventies. Their families may be well-known or middle class immigrants. But there are commonalities in all the stories.
These stories speak of love sometimes lost and found. But love is always found in the end. Each feature includes mentions of fateful events, the input of family and friends, obstacles to love, dark moments, and the event that makes these couples realize they are in love. It took me a while but I figured out why I love reading these stories. They are miniature romance novels with Happily Ever Afters always included.
The Weddings and Celebrations column is a smart bit of marketing in a newspaper filled with bad news. As a voracious news reader, I find myself latching on to hopeful media stories these days. I seek good news in a sea of sad business. It is not as hard as one might think. Life has a way of still happening. Couples fall in love. Babies are born. People are kind to each other. Those who are downtrodden triumph over obstacles. Each event is an positive sign people still believe in a happy future in spite of dark days. While I have plenty of scriptural reminders of hope, it is nice to be reminded people all over the world live lives filled with this confidence. For my Saturday helping, HEAs do quite nicely.
What are reminders of hope in your life? Is it a favorite scripture or passage from a book? Do you scan the web for happy tales? Do you look at your children or those around you and feel hopeful? When you are down, look for signs of hope. They are there.
These stories speak of love sometimes lost and found. But love is always found in the end. Each feature includes mentions of fateful events, the input of family and friends, obstacles to love, dark moments, and the event that makes these couples realize they are in love. It took me a while but I figured out why I love reading these stories. They are miniature romance novels with Happily Ever Afters always included.
The Weddings and Celebrations column is a smart bit of marketing in a newspaper filled with bad news. As a voracious news reader, I find myself latching on to hopeful media stories these days. I seek good news in a sea of sad business. It is not as hard as one might think. Life has a way of still happening. Couples fall in love. Babies are born. People are kind to each other. Those who are downtrodden triumph over obstacles. Each event is an positive sign people still believe in a happy future in spite of dark days. While I have plenty of scriptural reminders of hope, it is nice to be reminded people all over the world live lives filled with this confidence. For my Saturday helping, HEAs do quite nicely.
What are reminders of hope in your life? Is it a favorite scripture or passage from a book? Do you scan the web for happy tales? Do you look at your children or those around you and feel hopeful? When you are down, look for signs of hope. They are there.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Book Karma
I crave books. Even more than books, I crave winning books. But more than sticking to a low book-buying budget, my motivation is the thrill of trying new authors, insights or genres. I troll websites, hang out at Goodreads.com, make comments on Facebook, and volunteer to review new releases. It is more fun than buying a lottery ticket with a greater likelihood of success.
I find myself winning books in clumps. This past weekend, I won four from Friday through Sunday. It's never just one. When that anonymous person said, "good things come in threes," they weren't kidding. I have named this phenomenon "book karma."
But "book karma" is a funny thing. A while back, I signed up for a giveaway of A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay. I am not sure what interested me in this book except she had written Sarah's Key which got great reviews. But then I read the synopsis. It involves dark family secrets and other things that make me tense. Now, why I was shocked about the plot I don't know. The title of the book includes the word "secret." My heart sank. The book contest ended the day ten other giveaways did. I remember thinking, "I 'll probably win the book I least want to read." Well, you guessed it, I won A Secret Kept.
Now, I could say "rotten luck" but I choose not to do so. I prefer to think of those times when "book karma" has gifted me in ways I celebrated outright. I will celebrate this dark book as well. After all, I just revisited Nicholas Sparks even though Safe Haven is supposedly a bit darker than his other books. I haven't read his novels in a while because they make me cry. But he didn't break my heart this time! Maybe I am supposed to read A Secret Kept as a way to continue getting over my fear of darker fiction. I feel a trend starting. That's the way my "book karma" works.
I don't consider myself luckier than others when it comes to winning books. After all, I work hard at it! But why do things happen the way they do? I am not sure. However, I tend to look for messages in my daily life, my Bible, and my meditations to guide me along. God has a way of using our lives and livelihoods to reach us. I read voraciously. Is it any surprise I have received books I needed to read at just the right moment, even if it was just for the pleasure of being distracted from the tough times in my life? For others, it may be seeing rainbows at the right time or having a stranger say the right thing out of the blue. "Book karma" for me may be "rainbow karma" or "stranger wisdom" for others. Whatever it is, God has a way of communicating with us, knowing what we need even when we do not. So I look forward to A Secret Kept and the lessons I will learn.
Have you noticed things happening in "clumps"? What messages might you be getting? Start paying attention to those Godincidences.
Peace, Julie
I find myself winning books in clumps. This past weekend, I won four from Friday through Sunday. It's never just one. When that anonymous person said, "good things come in threes," they weren't kidding. I have named this phenomenon "book karma."
But "book karma" is a funny thing. A while back, I signed up for a giveaway of A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay. I am not sure what interested me in this book except she had written Sarah's Key which got great reviews. But then I read the synopsis. It involves dark family secrets and other things that make me tense. Now, why I was shocked about the plot I don't know. The title of the book includes the word "secret." My heart sank. The book contest ended the day ten other giveaways did. I remember thinking, "I 'll probably win the book I least want to read." Well, you guessed it, I won A Secret Kept.
Now, I could say "rotten luck" but I choose not to do so. I prefer to think of those times when "book karma" has gifted me in ways I celebrated outright. I will celebrate this dark book as well. After all, I just revisited Nicholas Sparks even though Safe Haven is supposedly a bit darker than his other books. I haven't read his novels in a while because they make me cry. But he didn't break my heart this time! Maybe I am supposed to read A Secret Kept as a way to continue getting over my fear of darker fiction. I feel a trend starting. That's the way my "book karma" works.
I don't consider myself luckier than others when it comes to winning books. After all, I work hard at it! But why do things happen the way they do? I am not sure. However, I tend to look for messages in my daily life, my Bible, and my meditations to guide me along. God has a way of using our lives and livelihoods to reach us. I read voraciously. Is it any surprise I have received books I needed to read at just the right moment, even if it was just for the pleasure of being distracted from the tough times in my life? For others, it may be seeing rainbows at the right time or having a stranger say the right thing out of the blue. "Book karma" for me may be "rainbow karma" or "stranger wisdom" for others. Whatever it is, God has a way of communicating with us, knowing what we need even when we do not. So I look forward to A Secret Kept and the lessons I will learn.
Have you noticed things happening in "clumps"? What messages might you be getting? Start paying attention to those Godincidences.
Peace, Julie
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